It has been of dismay for all of us here at Indecision 2008 to finally come terms with a simple fact about this current presidential race: Each and every one of the three media darling candidates has, in the course of campaigning, proven themselves to be completely unworthy of the office of which they seek.

Barack Obama lacks experience and has shown us time and again that he is utterly incapable of answering a telephone after 2:30 or so a.m. Also, he's friends with a guy who says mean things about America sometimes, and we don't like that.

Hillary Clinton has outed herself as a liar -- and not just any kind of liar, but one who isn't smart enough to not lie about things that television crews have caught on videotape. And we think her husband is kind of a douche these days.

And John McCain is old and he has a weird unsightly growth on the side of his face. What the hell is up with that thing? It's weird.

For these reasons, and many more, we are proud to announce -- on this glorious day of April something or other -- that the Indecision 2008 web team has decided to endorse -- excitedly and unequivocally and super-excitedly -- the presidential candidacy of one Mr. Alan Lee Keyes, ambassador, author, humanitarian, talk show host, friend.

What brought us around? Well, lets just say that we learned a thing or two about Mr. Keyes...

Did you know that if you had a puppy, and you were running late on your way home from work, Alan Keyes would feed your puppy for you, assuming you had given him a spare set of house keys?

Did you know that Alan Keyes is an anagram for "a snaky eel"?

Did you know that Alan Keyes loves you almost as much as you love America? Which is almost as much as Alan Keyes loves America.

Did you know that Alan Keyes is magnanimous, munificent, chivalrous, benevolent and unselfish? Or that he's always willing to lend out his thesaurus?

Did you know that Alan Keyes is a very generous employer and is willing to take untrained, inexperienced web writers onto his campaign's PR staff?

Did you know that Alan Keyes is an anagram for "alaen keys"?

By the way, please feel free to write us with any Alan Keyes related news that you should come across. And we mean any. You might think it's unimportant, but, believe me, we will feel otherwise.

I mean, we're going to be writing a lot of stories about Alan Keyes in the upcoming months. And, uh... there's not a lot out there. No. But, um, we'll figure it out.

The opinions and ideas expressed herein are those of the indecision2008 editorial board and do not represent those of Comedy Partners, its parent company, and/or its affiliates or any of the foregoing's agents, employees, or assigns.

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