Campaigning in the World of Warcraft

April 21st at 12:06PM

POSTED BY: TheInDecider

Update: Old school gamer and author of this post Tony DiGerolamo responds to all the haters.

There's a lot of talk lately about what Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama have to do to win in Pennsylvania tomorrow. But take the long view and you realize that with each passing election, using the Internet to get votes becomes more and more crucial overall. Candidates today have to speak not only to the casual web surfer, but also to those for whom the Internet is a lifestyle choice. So, here are some tips for the candidates courting the World of Warcraft vote:
World of Warcraft Candidates

The Vote	Obama Onscreen name: GuTwReNcHeR	Clinton Onscreen name: Blood_Storm	McCain Onscreen name: Deathstalker49
Druid	Likes: His stance on global warming and Humane Goblin Population Control propsal. Dislikes: Wants to see more Elf advisors in campaign	Likes: Her support for mercury regulations in factory emissions. Dislikes: Her dominant stance disrupts Feral Combat spells.	Likes: His badger-like commitment to the Iraq War. Dislikes: Refuse to lower taxes on scimitars.
Mage	Likes: His intelligence and commitment to education. Dislikes: His support for H.R. 977, the Fireball Limitation Act.	Likes: That she made that Bosnia sniper story disappear like magic. Dislikes: That she won't support David Blaine's bid for Senate.	Likes: His wizened old coot-like visage. Dislikes: That he fired Merlin when he was his intern.
Paladin	Likes: The way he wants to save everyone in America from evil. Dislikes: That he would treat Trolls and Blood Elves as equals.	Likes: Her quest for a national health care plan to heal the sick. Dislikes: Lack of funding for holy grail quests.	Likes: His War Hero persona. Dislikes: That he takes donations from Neocons and other undead.
Priests	Likes: That he continues to support his cleric, Rev. Wright. That he doesn't worship a god that would grant him more powerful spells. Dislikes: That he would treat Trolls and Blood Elves as equals.	Likes: The goddess-like way she runs her campaign, demanding worship from all. Dislikes: That her campaign advisors secretly met with Nath, Ogre god of war.	Likes: His magic lute that has the ability to charm Orcs. Dislikes: His inability to tell Al Qaeda from other insurgents and his penchant for screaming into his Internet headset during battle.
Rogue	Likes: That his tax proposal will take from the rich. Dislikes: That he doesn't keep the taxes for his guild.	Likes: Her husband's ability to sneak away with interns unseen. Dislikes: Her support for a law allowing Orcs to marry.	Likes: The way he ruthlessly back-stabbed his GOP opponents. Dislikes: The way he got back-stabbed by Bush in 2000.
Death Knight	Likes: His +7 Axe of Reaving. Dislikes: This thing you humans call "humanity".	Likes: Her sponsorship of H.R.335, which would extend health-care to undead spouses. Dislikes: That she continues to debate her opponents rather than slay them.	Likes: His lich-like visage and support for global conquest. Dislikes: His refusal to eat the heart of his enemies.