Ron Paul Not Last Night's Biggest Loser
You know what? Last night, there wasn't only a Democratic primary in Pennsylvania. Sure, the liberal communist Muslim terrorists would like you to believe that, but, oh no. There was a Republican primary, too.
Well, to be fair, it wasn't much of a primary. I mean, the Republicans have already chosen John McCain as their candidate. But that doesn't mean that Democracy should be ignored. Just because it's mathematically impossible for a candidate to win doesn't mean that he can't win.
Stop using logic. And start thinking like Ron Paul...
...Texas Rep. Ron Paul's revolutionaries continue to plug away. With 45% of Pennsylvania's 9,268 precincts reporting, Paul has captured 15% of the vote. He's easily beating former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee, who has only 12%.
You see that? Ron Paul -- who is still officially a candidiate -- might be a loser, but he's beating that other loser -- the fat Jesus guy, the one who admitted he lost and dropped out -- by three whole percentage points.
The Ron Paul Revolution is still going just as strong as it ever was!
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Ha! Can you imagine him ever getting laid? Or better yet having to decide what to do if he got some girl pregnant. Like I said before, there is no way I ever want to be a single Mom. Have you seen what happens to woman on welfare around here? I don't want to live with my Mom forever. She is too ghetto for me. And all she ever does is complain about her bills. I wanna get out of this dump one day. And I won't be able to do it if I do what Danni did.
Quick, put your cigarette out! Mr Einnerson is heading our way. He may be the coolest teacher around but he still has to rat us out if he catches us smoking.
Even if you know how to put on a condom it can still get stuck inside of you. You got to blow the wad outside of her. Fuck, you chicks are so stupid. Early withdrawal, that is the only thing that has saved my ass.
That reminds of this one time, I knew this girl. The guy even wore a condom and he didn't know how to put it on properly and it got stuck inside of her. She got pregnant too. What an idiot he was, didn't any one teach him how to put a condom on?
What? You gunna only go out if your Mom is there. What about the big party tomorrow?
Yeah, my Mom says just say "No" to guys like that, but she doesn't understand. I mean, I made out with Chris this one time. And we were so close to doing it I almost peed my pants.
Ugh! Don't even mention his name. One time he tried to make out with me under the bleachers. What a slug. He thought I would do it with him just because he was Captain of the Varsity Team.
I heard that Bill, when he was dating her, got some other girl pregnant. He made her get an abortion. That girl is still fucked up about it.
That is so screwed up. She keeps the baby and you won't hang out with her. But if she has an abortion, You will or you won't? What are you, Pro or Con? Stop messing with me, I might need one someday. And I gotta know if you are still going to be my friend?
Yeah, my Mom says I can't hang out with her anymore. Apparently she is a bad influence.