Old School Gamer Responds to "Campaigning in the World of Warcraft" Blog Comments
We stirred up a shitstorm with our recent article "Campaigning in the World of Warcraft." Here to respond to your comments, the writer of the piece, Tony DiGerolamo, an old school gamer:
WoW fans, Indecision readers and concerned nerds,
Recently, my post regarding WoW and politics hit a nerve. Some of you have laughed, no doubt causing Mountain Dew or energy drink to shoot out of your nose. Some of you have pointed out that WoW druids have no scimitars or that Shamans were omitted from coverage or that there is no such thing as a +7 Axe of Reaving. We are very sorry for any inconvenience or stress that may have caused you but...
...you are all wrong.
Yes, there are 3.5 million or 10 million (get your numbers right, people) players of WoW online, but do you people even know what you're playing? It's called D to the fuckin' & to the D, motherfuckers! Dungeons and Goddamned Dragons!
You craven little blog monkeys think you know fantasy or comedy? Here's a little sample from the WoW Insider...
Well, let's have WoWInsider tackle the case -- I'd love to see this written up right, could be hilarious.
[Random Demo Candidate]: "Epic Mounts are to unattainable for the average Azerothian - my plan addresses this with a faction rebate!"
[McCain]: "Clearly, the war between Horde and Alliance must continue, we have to stay the course! Even if it takes 100 patches"
etc etc - You know you want to!
Ah, hahaha! Oh, my sides! How could anyone not find THAT funny? I'm sure you're busy omg'ing everyone right now. Sign that guy up to write for Root of All Evil because Lewis Black needs to punch up his monologue with online software references. They always kill.
You WoW whiners are nothing but a bunch of Lancelot-come-latelies. Dungeons & Dragons has easily 20 million players. In 1979, while you console pussies were squinting at 8-bit Atari porn (NSFW), the rest of us were in our parents' basements kicking Orc ass and counting how many Devil references and boob illustrations there were in the Monster Manual!
I mention druids and priests but not shamans? They're the same fuckin' thing! I know that because I read it in a book and that led me to read other books. Books like the Players' Handbook for Advanced D&D and books like this one and other science-fiction or fantasy that expanded my vocabulary and taught me about things. The only thing computer games taught me was how to get carpal tunnel syndrome while balancing a bowl of Doritos between my legs. For Dungeons & Dragons players, the only limits were their imaginations. For WoW players the only limits are the imagination of the IT guy who designed their character.
You want a WoW player to write your comedy? Son, I got maps on graph paper funnier than WoW players. Point and click that into your soul shard bag, Leroy Jenkins.
You're playing Dungeons & Dragons online, ya dink! I'm sorry the rest of us didn't need blinking graphics and shiny things to immerse ourselves in fantasy. Using a state-of-the-art flat screen and keyboard doesn't exactly get me in the mood to talk like I'm in medieval times. Oh, sorry, TYPE like I'm in medieval times. Oh, wait, I'm sorry, use a fucking HEADSET like I'm in medieval times.
So the next time you "slay" a dragon with your online "friends" that you paid $15 a month for, remember I'll be in some dude's parents' basement for free with graph paper, dice and a bottle of Wild Turkey. And we will have a sweet, sweet custom-made, drunken D&D adventure with real people and you can kiss the hairiest part of Gary Gygax's decomposing balls!
Update: A response from the world of The World of Warcraft by Mike Schramm
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Nerds!
If the blogger would have simply known what he had been talking about originally, there'd be no issue. But the original article wasn't funny because it was about DnD...and not WoW. The author needs to either rewrite the article in a WoW flare...or retitle the article to reflect that it's about DnD.
Either way, the author did a big diservice to this blog. Get it right. Or if you don't, fix it. Don't sob.
Brilliant. As a very avid WoW gamer, I find the whole situation deliciously entertaining! Whether or not Tony DiGerolamo is as ignorant aand moronic as he seems or the whole thing is just tongue-in-cheek (as it probably is, this is a COMEDY blog for God's sake) is not the point, though it would be a hell of a lot funnier if the former were the case! While your first post was pitiful, I'd have to say this is more than an adequate comeback in terms of entertainment value.
The only part I find that is in bad taste is the reference to 'Gary Gygax's decomposing balls'. He has only died recently, and as the old-school DnD player you claim to be you should think about giving the man a modicum of respect.
Otherwise, carry on. I'd love to see a long series of arguments and counter-arguments between this guy and WoW Insider!
Dear Wowdude,
Pull my finger.
wtf? I think, maybe I'm to old or maybe to un-educated for this...but then, I'm just a lowly woman!! Besides, I like to spend my time in the real world...Silly me!
The stuff from Wowinsider was alot funnier than your piece of shit article. It has one thing that is oh so important... knowledge. Maybe if you knew wtf you were talking about you too could be funny.
Why don't you go back to, "squinting at 8-bit Atari porn," (Yeah... we all know that was a hidden self reference) and leave the world of comedy behind.
You = /fail
People have taken more hits off this bong than Spicoli in his prime. Time for an Aristocratic U-Turn.
So, a wizard, a princess, a unicorn, Chewbacca, and Spiderman are pieced together in a new board game. The dice are rolled.
The wizard pulls out his cock and sticks it in Spiderman's mouth. Chewy has anal with the unicorn as he neighs and sticks his solo horn up the princess pussy. The princess blows Spidey and Chewey steamrolls his claw into the wizards ass. Finally, the princess takes a shit in a bucket and wins the game called, "D&D Aristocrats."
Later,
http://sgtpepperpolitics.blogspot.com/
DnD & WOW/MOM vs DNC & RNC. Is this INdecision2008 or GameStop? Will DnD or WOW/MOM get us out of Iraq?
This would make a good segment on the Colbert Show.
Old DND vs New WOW players.
Power to Wowinsider! And dont start talking like you are the most uber 1337 guy on the internet at wow and the most old school RPG'er ever. Your not and your wow jokes wasnt good:P