Old School Gamer Responds to "Campaigning in the World of Warcraft" Blog Comments
We stirred up a shitstorm with our recent article "Campaigning in the World of Warcraft." Here to respond to your comments, the writer of the piece, Tony DiGerolamo, an old school gamer:
WoW fans, Indecision readers and concerned nerds,
Recently, my post regarding WoW and politics hit a nerve. Some of you have laughed, no doubt causing Mountain Dew or energy drink to shoot out of your nose. Some of you have pointed out that WoW druids have no scimitars or that Shamans were omitted from coverage or that there is no such thing as a +7 Axe of Reaving. We are very sorry for any inconvenience or stress that may have caused you but...
...you are all wrong.
Yes, there are 3.5 million or 10 million (get your numbers right, people) players of WoW online, but do you people even know what you're playing? It's called D to the fuckin' & to the D, motherfuckers! Dungeons and Goddamned Dragons!
You craven little blog monkeys think you know fantasy or comedy? Here's a little sample from the WoW Insider...
Well, let's have WoWInsider tackle the case -- I'd love to see this written up right, could be hilarious.
[Random Demo Candidate]: "Epic Mounts are to unattainable for the average Azerothian - my plan addresses this with a faction rebate!"
[McCain]: "Clearly, the war between Horde and Alliance must continue, we have to stay the course! Even if it takes 100 patches"
etc etc - You know you want to!
Ah, hahaha! Oh, my sides! How could anyone not find THAT funny? I'm sure you're busy omg'ing everyone right now. Sign that guy up to write for Root of All Evil because Lewis Black needs to punch up his monologue with online software references. They always kill.
You WoW whiners are nothing but a bunch of Lancelot-come-latelies. Dungeons & Dragons has easily 20 million players. In 1979, while you console pussies were squinting at 8-bit Atari porn (NSFW), the rest of us were in our parents' basements kicking Orc ass and counting how many Devil references and boob illustrations there were in the Monster Manual!
I mention druids and priests but not shamans? They're the same fuckin' thing! I know that because I read it in a book and that led me to read other books. Books like the Players' Handbook for Advanced D&D and books like this one and other science-fiction or fantasy that expanded my vocabulary and taught me about things. The only thing computer games taught me was how to get carpal tunnel syndrome while balancing a bowl of Doritos between my legs. For Dungeons & Dragons players, the only limits were their imaginations. For WoW players the only limits are the imagination of the IT guy who designed their character.
You want a WoW player to write your comedy? Son, I got maps on graph paper funnier than WoW players. Point and click that into your soul shard bag, Leroy Jenkins.
You're playing Dungeons & Dragons online, ya dink! I'm sorry the rest of us didn't need blinking graphics and shiny things to immerse ourselves in fantasy. Using a state-of-the-art flat screen and keyboard doesn't exactly get me in the mood to talk like I'm in medieval times. Oh, sorry, TYPE like I'm in medieval times. Oh, wait, I'm sorry, use a fucking HEADSET like I'm in medieval times.
So the next time you "slay" a dragon with your online "friends" that you paid $15 a month for, remember I'll be in some dude's parents' basement for free with graph paper, dice and a bottle of Wild Turkey. And we will have a sweet, sweet custom-made, drunken D&D adventure with real people and you can kiss the hairiest part of Gary Gygax's decomposing balls!
Update: A response from the world of The World of Warcraft by Mike Schramm
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Dear Sir,
I'm 43 and this September will mark my 30th year of roleplaying. I started playing WoW back in November, having given it up as a lousy job about two years early after playing for 8 whole hours. A WoW fanboi I am not, but it is proving a diversion these days. I started out in a roleplaying game (Traveller) rather than a glorified munchkin-fest, but even I have a soft spot for D&D even though its rules were old hat more or less before they were written, and the design of those rules has limited and more or less ruined MMOs and other computer-based RPGs every since.
I didn't find your 'article' funny. There were some amusing bits, but mostly the jokes were hacknied and pretty tired. The article was a delightful band-waggon jumping exercise, which this site is hardly alone in attempting, by people who didn't really know what they were doing. As has been pointed out, if you're going to head the article "World of Warcraft" and ask what these people would to to court WoW characters, the least you can do is get the lore right instead of harking back to your lost youth.
Really. Stuff like this is pretty much exactly like Dad trying to dance at his daughter's parties so he looks hip and young.
Age with dignity, mate. Better in the long run.
Shamans are the same as Druids and Priest!?!?!?!?!?!?! I thought geeks were supposed to be smart, not angry and bitter in their parents basement. Come to think of it, I'd be unfunny, angry and bitter if I was a loser in a basement in a cloak rolling dice. But that's just me.
LOL While you sit in your friend's mom's basement on Saturday night oggling boobs in your D&D manual I'll be playing WoW and after that do you know what? I'll do things with my girlfriend that you don't even know about because it's not in your D&D manual you homo!!!
PS - NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOB
Chainmail
Siege of Bodenburg
And all the rest of the games that came before D&D...
...but yeah...you're cool ¬_¬
"It's called D to the fuckin' & to the D, motherfuckers! Dungeons and Goddamned Dragons!"
The article was not titled "Campaigning to D&motherfuckingD." It was called "Campaigning to WoW"
So if you are going to actually use D&D, be true to yourself and call it that. Your references would have been fine if they had been aimed at D&D audiences and you might even have not looked like a complete tool.
What's worse, people mocking you for trying to not knowing THEIR game or pandering to get more hits and failing miserably at being funny or even accurate?
For a good joke you must know your audience and your subject matter. You knew neither. This response showed that.
It would be like us making a "Decision 2nd Edition D&D" article that says: "McCain has a strong showing with the Dwarf Paladins. Apparently they seem to think he's one of them because he can Bubble/Hearth out of any bad interviews and they can respect that."
Geek cred goes to anyone that realizes on how many level that was wrong.
Do us all a favor. Stick with what you know and don't try to increase site hits with worthless attempts at humor such as this.
So the accuse you of being too old to understand Wow and you respond by explaining that, you are, in fact, too old to understand Wow?
Not arguing about which game was better, nor am I disputing the fact that D&D is the original RP game without which games like Wow would not exist. Just saying that you obviously don't play Wow and you should have known that Wow players would smell a fake.
How would you have responded if you, reading a newspaper in your parents basement, came across an article poking fun at politics and D&D players that had obviously been written by some 60-year old has been who's only contact with D&D was second-hand gossip and a trip to the library? Might have been a bit miffed eh? How much more upset would you be to learn that this drivel wasn't even funny? Barely evoked so much as a "Oh... yeah... I kinda get that. So what's for breakfast Mom?" from anyone who had the misfortune to read it.
So you played D&D? Great. Wonderful. We're all happy for you. That means you probably know a great deal about D&D doesn't it? Isn't there a saying of some kind; you know like some kind of advice to amateur writer's everywhere... what was that? Oh yeah! Write what YOU know.
Call me nerd if you must, but I've done the basement D&D and the WoW. I get the jokes. The actual point of the "WoW Outcry" that the author responded to is that, as a journalist, you are only as pertinent as your source material. A beautifully written segment on cockroaches is going to attract a very small demographic. A poorly written segment on US politics and World of Warcraft is going to attract a significant amount of the 3.5 US subscribers (10 million worldwide, numbers fixed, happy?) and the scrutiny begins. If I claimed meal worms were actually mammals in the first segment, I would expect an equally disbelieving resonse from a cadre of PhD-toting entomologists. The quality of writing doesn't substitute for poor factual journalism. Here's an idea for you: get yourself a 10-day free trial and interview some actual WoW players. Until then,leave the WoW jokes, intended for the WoW population, to the people that know WoW. That's credible journalism.
LOL, you want to bring in your D&D cred then get your sh** straight. Your probably just one of those wannabe D&D players who everyone hated to play with and hoped you never showed up at the table. Lrn2read D&D guides better and play WoW more if you want to start comparing.
Druids, Priest, Shamans are all the same thing? Please GTFO and never blog about this again
Hmm, I think you were continuing to try to be funny, but have failed yet again.
Article: "Campaigning in the World of Warcraft"
WoWResponse: "That was only barely, if at all, related to World of Warcraft"
Author's Retort: "You all are stupid. Dungeons and Dragons is better than World of Warcraft and I've been playing it a long time, therefore I am better than you, and your complaints have no merit."
WoWResponse:
Seconding commenter SJ -- if you don't want people to point out that you have little to no idea what happens in WoW, call the article "Campaigning in D&D" or "...in online fantasy" or whatever. There is a price to name dropping WoW, and since you have not paid, we are here to collect. Next time just "buy generic" and save yourself the trouble.