Old School Gamer Responds to "Campaigning in the World of Warcraft" Blog Comments
We stirred up a shitstorm with our recent article "Campaigning in the World of Warcraft." Here to respond to your comments, the writer of the piece, Tony DiGerolamo, an old school gamer:
WoW fans, Indecision readers and concerned nerds,
Recently, my post regarding WoW and politics hit a nerve. Some of you have laughed, no doubt causing Mountain Dew or energy drink to shoot out of your nose. Some of you have pointed out that WoW druids have no scimitars or that Shamans were omitted from coverage or that there is no such thing as a +7 Axe of Reaving. We are very sorry for any inconvenience or stress that may have caused you but...
...you are all wrong.
Yes, there are 3.5 million or 10 million (get your numbers right, people) players of WoW online, but do you people even know what you're playing? It's called D to the fuckin' & to the D, motherfuckers! Dungeons and Goddamned Dragons!
You craven little blog monkeys think you know fantasy or comedy? Here's a little sample from the WoW Insider...
Well, let's have WoWInsider tackle the case -- I'd love to see this written up right, could be hilarious.
[Random Demo Candidate]: "Epic Mounts are to unattainable for the average Azerothian - my plan addresses this with a faction rebate!"
[McCain]: "Clearly, the war between Horde and Alliance must continue, we have to stay the course! Even if it takes 100 patches"
etc etc - You know you want to!
Ah, hahaha! Oh, my sides! How could anyone not find THAT funny? I'm sure you're busy omg'ing everyone right now. Sign that guy up to write for Root of All Evil because Lewis Black needs to punch up his monologue with online software references. They always kill.
You WoW whiners are nothing but a bunch of Lancelot-come-latelies. Dungeons & Dragons has easily 20 million players. In 1979, while you console pussies were squinting at 8-bit Atari porn (NSFW), the rest of us were in our parents' basements kicking Orc ass and counting how many Devil references and boob illustrations there were in the Monster Manual!
I mention druids and priests but not shamans? They're the same fuckin' thing! I know that because I read it in a book and that led me to read other books. Books like the Players' Handbook for Advanced D&D and books like this one and other science-fiction or fantasy that expanded my vocabulary and taught me about things. The only thing computer games taught me was how to get carpal tunnel syndrome while balancing a bowl of Doritos between my legs. For Dungeons & Dragons players, the only limits were their imaginations. For WoW players the only limits are the imagination of the IT guy who designed their character.
You want a WoW player to write your comedy? Son, I got maps on graph paper funnier than WoW players. Point and click that into your soul shard bag, Leroy Jenkins.
You're playing Dungeons & Dragons online, ya dink! I'm sorry the rest of us didn't need blinking graphics and shiny things to immerse ourselves in fantasy. Using a state-of-the-art flat screen and keyboard doesn't exactly get me in the mood to talk like I'm in medieval times. Oh, sorry, TYPE like I'm in medieval times. Oh, wait, I'm sorry, use a fucking HEADSET like I'm in medieval times.
So the next time you "slay" a dragon with your online "friends" that you paid $15 a month for, remember I'll be in some dude's parents' basement for free with graph paper, dice and a bottle of Wild Turkey. And we will have a sweet, sweet custom-made, drunken D&D adventure with real people and you can kiss the hairiest part of Gary Gygax's decomposing balls!
Update: A response from the world of The World of Warcraft by Mike Schramm
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Does the author of this post even realize that a huge number of wow players ARE D&D fans who also played in their parent's basement as well?
It just shows his lack of understanding and his desire to pigeonhole everyone that he makes blatant assumptions that everyone who plays wow is new to D&D.
Get a grip man.
And yeah i read your stuff and no, it's not really funny. As much as you might think that it was. And yes, i come from playing old school D&D just like you. And... if you were as "hardcore" a D&D fan as you make out to be, you'd be playing WoW too. Guess you aren't so hardcore afterall. Does that make you a Lancelot-has-been?
Let me sum up this post:
"HAY KIDS, GET OFF MAH LAWN!?!"
Let me sum up the post that led to this catastrophe of whining:
"I KNOW NOTHING OF YOUR GAMES BUT I PLAYED ONE OLDER THAN YOURS! SHUT UP YOU CAN'T TELL ME I'M WRONG, I GET PAID TO THINK I'M FUNNY!"
Leeroy Jenkins is a Paladin and Paladins don't use soul shard bags, warlocks do.
D&D sucks, we use computers to do all the work for us these days.
~pwnd~
This rant was actually hysterical, regardless of how off base you go.
Ranting loons FTW.
Your first article was not funny and showcased your lack of knowledge with the game 'World of Warcraft'. Now your second article is not funny and though you say you've read books that expanded your vocabulary you then go and resort to swearing. Not only that but I found your tone verging on vulgar.
I have played AD&D, read many fantasy books, compendiums, player handbooks etc. and I play WoW. I honestly don't know why Comedy Central, whom I did have high respect for before this, would allow such a talentless, tantrum-throwing baby to write for them.
And before you start stereotyping me, I am a 32 year old female, happily married, and have a 2 yr. old son. I am a normal working class mom who also volunteers at the chamber of commerce in my area. I'm not some young child playing off my allowance.
And as far as WoW player's limits relying on the IT guy who designed our characters? You couldn't be farther from the truth. Players show massive amounts of creativity with thier characters and stories they weave and create around them and others.
I can't believe you called me a console pussy. You should try the free 10-day trial. Srsly the game is actually very fun. Maybe if you had tried it out before writing your piece you wouldnt have insulted 10 million people. I don't understand why you feel the need to insult everyone who plays WoW because someone on Wowinsider called you out on your article being full of inconsistencies (which it was).
Maybe your next article could be "Campaigning in Halo", you could use Wolfenstein references
I see you're responding to criticism with the "Belligerent Comedian" strategy. It didn't work for Michael Richards, and it's certainly not working for you.
I can't say I've ever read this blog before now, but I must do my best to convey my emotions to you after reading your post about World of Warcraft.
It was not funny.
You say that people who don't find your post funny are ignorant of WoW's D&D heritage, but that simply isn't true. The problem here, sir, is that your post is not funny in any context, be it D&D, WoW, Baldur's Gate, Neverwinter Nights, or f-ing Magic the Gathering.
Yes, WoW decends from glorious D&D, but that doesn't mean you can make up whatever the fuck you want and say it's funny. It astounds me that you would try to force this pathetic attempt at humor upon us. If you have such contempt for WoW and its players, why did you write this piece?
WoW has 10million subscribers, and most of them share in a specific subculture based upon experiences playing a game called World of Warcraft. While you might not see a difference between Dungeons and Dragons and World of Warcraft, everyone else does. WoW shares similar roleplaying and mechanical elements with D&D, but the experience of playing it is one far different.
If you had actually played the game you would know that.
Way to generalize about us WoW players. Not all of us are 14 years old.
I used to play D&D as well, and I still love it. Saying, however, that we're playing D&D is a huge misconception. The only things they have in common are the staples of any roleplaying game.
Don't get so butt-hurt that WoW Insider called you out on being inaccurate. Your article was inaccurate, and you respond with "FUCK YOU I PLAYED D&D SO EVERYTHING I WRITE ABOUT FANTASY IS JUSTIFIED." How childish. You belong in The Barrens.
Nobody cares if you dish on WoW. Plenty of people do. Just be accurate about it. I'm not about to write an article about Warhammer and mention that all their Blood Elves look like pussies. No, I'd do a bit of research, or get someone who knows the material to go over it for me.
I hope you pay a little more attention next time. Peace.