Old School Gamer Responds to "Campaigning in the World of Warcraft" Blog Comments
We stirred up a shitstorm with our recent article "Campaigning in the World of Warcraft." Here to respond to your comments, the writer of the piece, Tony DiGerolamo, an old school gamer:
WoW fans, Indecision readers and concerned nerds,
Recently, my post regarding WoW and politics hit a nerve. Some of you have laughed, no doubt causing Mountain Dew or energy drink to shoot out of your nose. Some of you have pointed out that WoW druids have no scimitars or that Shamans were omitted from coverage or that there is no such thing as a +7 Axe of Reaving. We are very sorry for any inconvenience or stress that may have caused you but...
...you are all wrong.
Yes, there are 3.5 million or 10 million (get your numbers right, people) players of WoW online, but do you people even know what you're playing? It's called D to the fuckin' & to the D, motherfuckers! Dungeons and Goddamned Dragons!
You craven little blog monkeys think you know fantasy or comedy? Here's a little sample from the WoW Insider...
Well, let's have WoWInsider tackle the case -- I'd love to see this written up right, could be hilarious.
[Random Demo Candidate]: "Epic Mounts are to unattainable for the average Azerothian - my plan addresses this with a faction rebate!"
[McCain]: "Clearly, the war between Horde and Alliance must continue, we have to stay the course! Even if it takes 100 patches"
etc etc - You know you want to!
Ah, hahaha! Oh, my sides! How could anyone not find THAT funny? I'm sure you're busy omg'ing everyone right now. Sign that guy up to write for Root of All Evil because Lewis Black needs to punch up his monologue with online software references. They always kill.
You WoW whiners are nothing but a bunch of Lancelot-come-latelies. Dungeons & Dragons has easily 20 million players. In 1979, while you console pussies were squinting at 8-bit Atari porn (NSFW), the rest of us were in our parents' basements kicking Orc ass and counting how many Devil references and boob illustrations there were in the Monster Manual!
I mention druids and priests but not shamans? They're the same fuckin' thing! I know that because I read it in a book and that led me to read other books. Books like the Players' Handbook for Advanced D&D and books like this one and other science-fiction or fantasy that expanded my vocabulary and taught me about things. The only thing computer games taught me was how to get carpal tunnel syndrome while balancing a bowl of Doritos between my legs. For Dungeons & Dragons players, the only limits were their imaginations. For WoW players the only limits are the imagination of the IT guy who designed their character.
You want a WoW player to write your comedy? Son, I got maps on graph paper funnier than WoW players. Point and click that into your soul shard bag, Leroy Jenkins.
You're playing Dungeons & Dragons online, ya dink! I'm sorry the rest of us didn't need blinking graphics and shiny things to immerse ourselves in fantasy. Using a state-of-the-art flat screen and keyboard doesn't exactly get me in the mood to talk like I'm in medieval times. Oh, sorry, TYPE like I'm in medieval times. Oh, wait, I'm sorry, use a fucking HEADSET like I'm in medieval times.
So the next time you "slay" a dragon with your online "friends" that you paid $15 a month for, remember I'll be in some dude's parents' basement for free with graph paper, dice and a bottle of Wild Turkey. And we will have a sweet, sweet custom-made, drunken D&D adventure with real people and you can kiss the hairiest part of Gary Gygax's decomposing balls!
Update: A response from the world of The World of Warcraft by Mike Schramm
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heh, what a tool. he wrote without knowing, he was caught, he cries. poor baby.
Damn. It has been a very long time since I felt the need to spit on some idiot over the internet but good god sir. You are well beyond a waste of sperm. At one point in the distant past you would have been better dealt with sponged up by a discarded tube sock.
The fact that nothing you wrote of was accurate in any context, attempting to spout off some flawless D&D pedigree does not give validation to your ignorant scribbling. It simply goes to further prove how off base and out of touch you are.
You are making sweeping generalizations based on no knowledge of the topic you discuss. I previously held Comedy Central in some regard but this lunacy is far more at home on Fox News. You fail noob. You epic fail. Your dice have been revoked.
For fucks sake you fucking nerds. Can't you fucking see a fucking mea culpa when it takes a fucking piss in you fucking zit encrusted face?
Congratulations. You've not only managed to alienate the World of Warcraft subscribers with your infantile little tantrum there (infantile: to act as an infant, complete with pacifier waving and foot stomping, as well as loud, incoherent shrieking passing from your lips... since you seem to lack a vocabulary, I thought I'd help you there), but you've also managed to make the D&D players appear to be elitist talking anuses (that hole through which human excrement comes through). Speaking as a person who plays WoW and D&D, it would appear as though you need a time out. As a former CNA, your boasts of your "advanced age" suggests you're going to be part of the geriatric ("old people in nursing homes") crew shortly, where you can throw all the tantrums you want, complete with diaper changes and pacifier waving.
Now, go crawl back into your mother's basement with the rest of your balding, beer-bellied player character group, pretend you're Raistlin, Drizzt, or whatever the hell campaign you're playing, and tell your mother you need extra spankings.
As an attractive female gamer, I'm sure your mother would appreciate spanking her washed up son. Run along, scamper off. Buh bye.
Wow...
just wow.
total loss for words here.
the whole point, which was clearly beyond your meager reasoning abilities, was if your going to parody something, like maybe.. WoW.... you should know a little bit about it!
learn to deal with critism, it happens, and in this case, rightly so.
and wild turkey?... oh yeah.. thats impressive.
Well, you've managed to forever lose 10 million readers in one single post! Bravo...and for the record, regardless of the fact that WoW is much newer than D&D, you were writing an article about WoW!! Therefore, do your research moron or you might soon find yourself without any readers at all.
I give this article a 1/10 for effort, and because I have a tendency to feel sorry for pathetic attempts.
The previous article titled "Campaigning in the World of Warcraft" receives a 0/10 because it was complete and utter FAIL.
I think I just heard my NECB shout *DOMINATED*
But what would you know of cooldowns and the need to monitor them?
Put simply. As a writer you have to know your audience. When you decided to cash in using the World of Warcraft name in the title of your article you should have known your audience.
If you had actually played the game and known its politics (yes it has politics) then 10 million people would have laughed with your article. Instead they are all laughing at you. It's a shame because it really could have been funny.
I don't see why you are upset. This is what happens when you write schlock and try to use big names like "World of Warcraft" to get more google hits on your work, instead of doing a bit of research, or attempting to know what you're talking about.
A writer comedian without a sense of humor.. now that IS funny! lol.