Indecision 2008

(The following is a reprint of a McCain campaign internal memo leaked to Indecision 2008 just moments ago).

To: Senator McCain

From: Stephen Hollings, Vice Presidential Search Committee Chair

Re: Your Appearance on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart

As you know, your interview with Jon Stewart tomorrow is a once-in-a-campaign-cycle opportunity to connect with young voters, over 40 percent of whom, according to a recent CBS/NY Times poll, continue to confuse press coverage of your campaign with an extremely long funeral retrospective. If there's one thing young people consume these days, it is entertainment. And what better way to get them to take their seats aboard Straight Talk Express (in an orderly, quiet fashion so as not to wake you from your nap, of course) than to announce that your "vice president" will be somebody from the world or popular entertainment? It could even be somebody imaginary! Because, of course, you will be kidding, but then why else would you be on a comedy show?

We had our youngest intern hang out in his son's dorm room and watch a couple hours of television to get on the game. He prepared a short list of potential "candidates." Write these on a big blue index card, so you don't forget.

Tracy Jordan

A character on NBC's popular sitcom 30 Rock, played by Brian Fellows, known for doing wacko things, like exposing his belly. Be careful, though. He's Jeremiah Wright black, not Dr. Huxtable black.

Borat

Nobody, I repeat, nobody is funnier than Borat. He reminds me of a young Yakov Smirnoff.

The Dell Kid

He's young, he's handsome and he has a great handle on technology. If this is your choice, wait 'till Jon asks you the veep question. Then slam your fists on the desk and say, "Dude, you're getting a vice president!" "Dude," by the way, means "fellow" or "cad." I have talked with the rest of the campaign, and everybody is willing to suspend the edict against you slamming your fists on desks for this joke.

Chris Klein

A hot young star who's only getting hotter. He is what we call a double threat -- he was discovered working out in a gym, which means he works out, and he lost his virginity in American Pie, which means he has had sex. Just say, "No homo, I would love to see him with his shirt off." This will drive the young women in the audience crazy. Also, it will prove that you are not a homo.

The Cast of Taxi

If there's anything young people love to do more than work out and have sex, it's laugh. And who better at making the laughs flow than the best ensemble cast in television comedy history. Not to mention, I'm pretty sure Borat is Latka Gravas' son. You'll win more Borat points for mentioning that.

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