Rasmussen: Screw This Noise! Let's Just Say Barack Obama Won
You and me and pretty much everybody else in the world aren't the only ones who feel beaten down and tired out by this never-ending Democratic primary.
The polling firm Rasmussen Reports has just announced that it's fed the shit up with all this bullfuck, and -- as far as it's concerned -- Barack Obama is the winner and fuck off...
...while Senator Clinton has remained close and competitive in every meaningful measure, she is a close second and the race is over. It has become clear that Barack Obama will be the Democratic nominee...
With this in mind, Rasmussen Reports will soon end our daily tracking of the Democratic race and focus exclusively on the general election competition between Republican John McCain and Democrat Barack Obama. Barring something totally unforeseen, that is the choice American voters will have before them in November.
Something totally unforeseen like... alligators who fly UFOs that are powered by AIDS? If something like that suddenly became an issue in the primary elections for some reason, then, I think, maybe Hillary Clinton could still have a chance.
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Even your most irrational soothsaying skills do not match Clinton's. I love your last paragraph in light of her comments: "Something totally unforeseen like... alligators who fly UFOs that are powered by AIDS? If something like that suddenly became an issue in the primary elections for some reason, then, I think, maybe Hillary Clinton could still have a chance."
For Christ's sake, how could you leave out an assassination plot by an alien in June?
You just got served Africa America.
One way or another,
you will always owe a white man everything.
Thank you for the peanut butter.
...manbothyourmomsgotocollege...
1. First rule of comedy: paragraph structure.
Rasmussen family members were tired of getting the phone calls.
Kio and Silent Cal, congratulations on completing chapter one: Sarcasm, you two are now ready to take it on the road.
No Easter Bunny? Man, this is worse than when I found out Al Roker wasn't made of cheese.
Holy Crap! You mean to tell me that the Daily Show and the Colbert Report are Comedy Shows? This is worse than when I found out there was no Easter Bunny!
BeeChesGetSheetDone ••• You are blaming a comedy show for being biased? Your standards are... well never mind. Perhaps Hillary gets more sniper fire from the Daily Show because she presents such an easy target by saying and doing so much stupid shit.
Ah, tiny pirate pants... well I see. Maybe more pentathol and less exlax next time? (You were really scaring the straights there at the end.) Alas, it is done. I shall sheath the sword and speak no further lest I reveal too much. The prophecy has been inverted, it still points to the west though (the funnel shaped end of the prophecy). Do not despair, I still serve the King, he needs me... I go forth... and do his bidding for there are many tasks still to be done. The time will soon be at hand once again to serve the King... I shall clock in and serve his burgers and not forget to ask if the good people want fries or onion rings with their orders. PS. Is Brenda gonna make you work a double shift?