May 12th at 3:05PM

Which Candidate Makes the Best Sidekick for Which Dr. Who?

POSTED BY: Tony DiGerolamo

Doctor Who, the English science-fiction TV show that's been around almost as long as King Arthur, has had ten doctors over the years. Like the presidential candidates, each one had a distinct personality, his own way of dealing with things and better teeth than most other English people. Naturally, this made us wonder which candidate would match up best as a sidekick for each version of the Time Lord. Here, then, is another time-wasting chart, specifically designed to enrage scarf nerds that relish this beloved, time-traveling limey:

Doctor Candidate Sidekick Why
Doctor #1
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Actor: William Hartnell
Description: That old dude.
John McCain McCain's Neocon interventionist foreign policy makes him able to deal with revisionist history traveling through time.
Doctor #2
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Actor: Patrick Troughton
Description: Moe Howard's twin.
Hillary Clinton She was already married to a stooge.
Doctor #3
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Actor: Jon Pertwee
Description: Gandalf with a haircut.
Barack Obama Large ears frighten Cybermen.
Doctor #4
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Actor: Tom Baker
Description: Guy with long scarf.
Barack Obama Much like Baker, he'll be the only person out of this group remembered years from now.
Doctor #5
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Actor: Peter Davison
Description: Taller, balding John Denver.
Hillary Clinton She becomes an expert at flying the T.A.R.D.I.S. through time while fixing her statements about her NAFTA support.
Doctor #6
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Actor: Colin Baker
Description: The one that dressed like a Jo Ann Fabrics exploded on his chest.
John McCain McCain's first-hand knowledge of the Jurassic Period.
Doctor #7
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Actor: Sylvester McCoy
Description: The one that sort of looks like Kolchak the Nightstalker.
Hillary Clinton Her stance on gay marriage enrages Daleks.
Doctor #8
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Actor: Paul McGann
Description: The awful one from that Fox movie.
John McCain Rupert Murdoch makes it so.
Doctor #9
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Actor: Christopher Eccleston
Description: The first one not to dress like a tool.
Barack Obama Doctor and Barack share "handsome guy tips" with the Elephant Man in Victorian England.
Doctor #10
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Actor: David Tennant
Description: The one that banged Sophia Myles.
Barack Obama Together, the Doctor and Barack explain to Dr. Who fans what it's like to be with a woman.
18 Comments
  1. I saw this and I found it hilarious.
    Thank you, you have made a young sci-fi geek happy

    by Nate May 13th at 8:25PM
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  2. HAHA! Jokes on you! Pertwee never faught the Cybermen!

    Oh god, I'm a nerd. A chick nerd at that.

    by Krissy May 13th at 7:33PM
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  3. PILES OF HATE PUDDING.

    by Zop May 13th at 12:10PM
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  4. Hey, if they do Harry Potter, David Tennant can be on both lists because he's also Barty Crouch Jr.

    by bearness May 13th at 11:47AM
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  5. You're all missing the larger picture. ALL of the Doctors would want to travel with . . .

    (wait for it)

    Chelsea!!!!!

    by Farb May 13th at 10:40AM
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  6. You just did Dr. Who because I suggested Star Wars or Lord of the Rings would be next ! Will you go so far as to do Harry Potter ???

    by obamagramma May 13th at 7:48AM
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  7. Gosh, I hope you are not implying that Christopher Eccleston and Barack Obama are not handsome men-because they are both very sexy.

    by chiclit May 12th at 11:12PM
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  8. Tom BARKER???!

    Tom Baker...

    Only the best Dr. ever.

    Ever.

    p.s. also the voice-over on Little Britain. "Britain, Britain, Britain"

    by Dr.Whaa May 12th at 4:05PM
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