May 12th at 3:05PM

Which Candidate Makes the Best Sidekick for Which Dr. Who?

POSTED BY: Tony DiGerolamo

Doctor Who, the English science-fiction TV show that's been around almost as long as King Arthur, has had ten doctors over the years. Like the presidential candidates, each one had a distinct personality, his own way of dealing with things and better teeth than most other English people. Naturally, this made us wonder which candidate would match up best as a sidekick for each version of the Time Lord. Here, then, is another time-wasting chart, specifically designed to enrage scarf nerds that relish this beloved, time-traveling limey:

Doctor Candidate Sidekick Why
Doctor #1
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Actor: William Hartnell
Description: That old dude.
John McCain McCain's Neocon interventionist foreign policy makes him able to deal with revisionist history traveling through time.
Doctor #2
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Actor: Patrick Troughton
Description: Moe Howard's twin.
Hillary Clinton She was already married to a stooge.
Doctor #3
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Actor: Jon Pertwee
Description: Gandalf with a haircut.
Barack Obama Large ears frighten Cybermen.
Doctor #4
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Actor: Tom Baker
Description: Guy with long scarf.
Barack Obama Much like Baker, he'll be the only person out of this group remembered years from now.
Doctor #5
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Actor: Peter Davison
Description: Taller, balding John Denver.
Hillary Clinton She becomes an expert at flying the T.A.R.D.I.S. through time while fixing her statements about her NAFTA support.
Doctor #6
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Actor: Colin Baker
Description: The one that dressed like a Jo Ann Fabrics exploded on his chest.
John McCain McCain's first-hand knowledge of the Jurassic Period.
Doctor #7
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Actor: Sylvester McCoy
Description: The one that sort of looks like Kolchak the Nightstalker.
Hillary Clinton Her stance on gay marriage enrages Daleks.
Doctor #8
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Actor: Paul McGann
Description: The awful one from that Fox movie.
John McCain Rupert Murdoch makes it so.
Doctor #9
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Actor: Christopher Eccleston
Description: The first one not to dress like a tool.
Barack Obama Doctor and Barack share "handsome guy tips" with the Elephant Man in Victorian England.
Doctor #10
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Actor: David Tennant
Description: The one that banged Sophia Myles.
Barack Obama Together, the Doctor and Barack explain to Dr. Who fans what it's like to be with a woman.
21 Comments
  1. I have to say William Hartnell had pretty poor teeth.

    by David Grenfell November 3rd at 11:20AM
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  2. I feel I should point out that Doctor Who is a British and not strictly English show. It has always been produced by the British Broadcasting Coorperation and right now is produced in Wales and stars a Scot in the lead role. It is a true Brit. It is important to the smaller countries in the United Kingdom that people to not confuse British with English!
    said.

    by Adam Black October 30th at 9:10AM
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  3. Open up a Dalek and you'll see that swollen gland from John McCain's cheek inside.

    by Curly Top September 28th at 11:57PM
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  4. Mmmmm...Sophia Myles. :)

    by IDMT September 5th at 11:23AM
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  5. David tennant (The Doctor), John Barrowman (The Captain), and Barack Obama (The President)....Sorry I just slipped into a homoerotic coma....

    (Sorry I left out the R in President)

    by Phyllis September 3rd at 3:15PM
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  6. David tennant (The Doctor), John Barrowman (The Captain), and Barack Obama (The Pesident)....Sorry I just slipped into a homoerotic coma....

    by Phyllis September 3rd at 3:13PM
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  7. Apparently the show is more popular than one realizes. You understand it which suggests to me you watch it very carefully as do we...Doctor, they frighten me!!

    by colleen July 15th at 8:48PM
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  8. I've got to say Tom Baker/Obama. And not just because each of them will be remembered the best, but because each of them is smarter than the rest. Sort of like time-traveling problem-solvers, making us all comfortable again.

    by daringtexan May 16th at 6:06PM
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  9. Admit it, you guys are a bunch of fanboy geeks just like us, or you'd never post an article like this - thank you!

    by Joe Strike May 16th at 5:46PM
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  10. AWEsome. Scarf nerds, unite!

    by bindweed May 14th at 8:51PM
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