Liveblog: The West Virginia Irrelevancy
9:52 - Chris Matthews just called Mayor Willie Brown "Harold Ford Jr." Geez. I wonder what those two have in common that could have confused him...
9:46 - The night's over and it belongs to Hillary. We leave you with this final West Virginia fun fact:
FACT: Readers of the blog may be excited to learn that West Virginia was rated to have the second worst oral health in the country!
With this in mind, the Indecision 2008 team feels that the teeth of Senators Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton are simply too elitist for the Mountain State (although Hillary does win points for yellowness.) That's why we're calling tonight's race for a write-in candidate whose oral hygiene is more respectful of working people! By the way, the state with the #1 worst oral health in the country? It's none other than next week's primary host, Kentucky-- surely McCain country!
9:29 - Ok, so Terry McAuliffe prepped us for Hillary's speech by telling us it would be the greatest speech EVER! So how did it rank?
9:28 - Best. Speech. Ever.
9:27 - Wait, a little boy sold his bicycle in order to send Hillary a campaign contribution? That sounds bad.
9:23 - Conciliatory words from Hillary: "I will work my heart out for the nominee to make sure we have a Democrat in the White House in November." She also says that the long nominating race as been a healthy process for whoever the nominee is.
9:21 - Hillary Clinton is clearly very serious about this race. It says a tremendous amount about her that she is delivering this speech as though everything is A-OK, even though every pundit and talking head has declared her dead on arrival. Is there anyone else in the country with that kind of resolve? Joe Biden and Chris Dodd battled on the evening of Iowa caucuses to each attempt to withdraw FIRST!
9:17 - Hillary: "I never give up. I keep coming back." There's really no denying that.
9:11 - Standard background behind Hillary for her big speech. Old person. Black guy. Adorable child. Bored looking teenager.
9:08 - John Denver reference! Didn't see that coming.
9:07 - Clinton's "victory" speech is starting. Ahh!! My eyes! That pantsuit! So salmon!!
9:02 - Current background music at Clinton HQ: "Free Ride" by the Edgar Winter Group. The song lyrics claim that the singer comes from Kentucky ... coincidence??
8:58 - McAuliffe just incorrectly announced that Clinton won the Missouri primary. Oops.
8:57 - Terry McAuliffe has someone behind him waving a sign that says "We Pakistan Love." Thoughts?
8:56 - Terry McAuliffe is taking the stage in Charleston. Earlier in the evening, he declared that tonight Hillary would deliver "the greatest speech ever." He should know, as the deliverer of the slimiest speech ever.
8:47 - From the CNN stream: Clinton supporters demonstrate that they are able to clap in unison.
8:43 - REAL NEWS - though not election related. Barry Bonds has been charged with 14 counts of perjury.
8:38 - Ok, I know this is going to sound weird, but I have more respect for Bill O'Reilly right now than CNN and MSNBC combined. I'm watching those other two networks try to bull shit their way through 5 hours with coverage from West Virginia.
Bill? He's talking about some teacher-student sex scandal. He knows there's no news out of West Virginia, so he's telling us what the real news is.
8:35 - CNN has a live feed from inside the Clinton campaign HQ. By watching, we just learned that her supporters just figured out how to do the wave.
8:30 - The Washington Post is live with the news that Hillary Clinton leads Barack Obama, with a total of 0 votes to Obama's 0 votes. "Other" is in a distant third with 0 votes, followed by Dennis Kucinich.
8:22 - In an acknowledgment of his New York Times-predicted "shellacking" in the West Virginia primary, Barak Obama spent the day campaigning in Cape Girardeau, Missouri.
Cape Girardeau is notable for its strategic location on the Mississippi River and its favorite son, Rush Limbaugh, who has single-handedly kept its Hardee's in business on visits home.
8:18 - From the comments, Sgt. Pepper Politics offers us another bizarre, Hitchcock related poll that we don't really understand. But lacking any actual news, we shall offer it up to you.
8:12 - MSNBC pundit Mike Huckabee (huh?) is comparing Hillary Clinton to Rocky Balboa because they both like back rubs. We find this comparison ironic.
8:06 - The Washington Post is reporting that Clinton's victory speech will held in the "bowels" of a Charleston, WV convention center, "where two sets of bleachers will accommodate no more than a few hundred lucky supporters." No report on how quickly those supporters will be expunged from the bowels after the Senator's speech.
7:58 - Time for another West Virginia fact:
FACT: The Senior Senator is Robert C. Byrd, chairman of the Senate's powerful octogenarian caucus and a staff favorite in the assisted living wing of the Capitol. Prior to his tenure in the Senate, Byrd served in a different citizens' body -- let's call it a Kongressional Kampaign Kommittee-- but these days he mostly just sleeps.
7:55 - This just in! It's all over folks - we can now finally know the results of tonight's voting for sure. The Fresno, California Bee is officially calling the election for Hillary Clinton.
7:51 - CNN offers the latest evidence yet that Hillary is in fact the Yeti, dressed in a salmon pantsuit.
7:40 - If the networks can do a bunch of nonsensical filler material in an attempt to pretend that tonight's primary is relevant, so can we. Throughout the night we'll be giving you little known facts about West Virginia.
FACT: Our readers may be surprised to know that althouhg West Virginia voted for George W. Bush in each of the past two elections, its highest-ranking state officials are Democrats.
The governor is Joe Manchin. Since taking office, Diamond Joe has attempted to make “open for business” the state's motto of West Virginia. We assume the same adage adorns the tip jar on his desk.
7:30 - Breaking! Hillary Clinton wins West Virginia.
7:29 - Only 12 seconds until Brith Hume tells us Hillary Clinton won!
7:26 - Drudgereport.com has preemptively deemed Clinton "Ms. West Virginia" at the top of its main page, in a foolhardy attempt to be cute. The Indecision2008 team will keep you posted on the impending lawsuit by Holli Marie Owens, the rightful bearer of that hard-earned title.
7:21 - BREAKING! Hillary Clinton is about to top Martin Luther King Jr.'s "I Have a Dream," Abraham Lincoln's "Gettysburg Address," and Jesus Christ's "Sermon on the Mount" according to Terry McAuliffe. (Thanks to Joe in the comments)
7:20 - The New York Times has apparently minimized its prediction of Hillary Clinton's margin of victory in West Virginia. Initially, the paper's webpage reported that the Obama campaign was "expecting a shellacking." As of this hour, that has been downgraded to "expecting a big loss." Stop the presses!
7:16 - Brit Hume knows who's going to win!! But he won't tell us for 14 minutes... But we know what he's going to say. Highlight the following text for a BIG spoiler!! Hillary Clinton will wing West Virginia.
7:12 - So what do you think the outcome of tonight will be?
7:10 - Over on Fox News, Brit Hume makes fun of Major Garrett for not being able to pronounce "R"s and "L"s. I believe this is an indicator of how little news we expect to see tonight.
7:02 - With less than a half hour to go, Wolf Blitzer tells us that tonight's primary won't change anything with regards to the Democratic nomination. So why does CNN have "West Virginia Primary Coverage" on their broadcast schedule from 7:00 - 12:00?
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I still love you Barry!
dfhx: I don't know about that dude, but the shit I've got makes me think Maddow look like Stan. Three TV's, a laptop, a dog, my girl, and a bong. Sweeeeet. Now if only she could come downstairs for some real talking head. Either that, or peanut butter.
Fuck West Virginia. South Park is on.
hitchCOCK POLL. hehe. Hey, Matthews, Russert, Olbermann and some Congressman started this horseshit.
On an irrelevant note, that was the most putrid, pandering, piece of kakaphony I've ever heard. A DEATH BED request for an absentee ballot? "The Greatest Speech Ever Told?"
Makes my poll look like Dickens.
i said dick.
did the black guy behind hillary just light a joint when the confetti started falling?
I am so disappointed at the state of affairs of this country. Hillary Cinton is trying to set this country back 400yrs with her racist views. We should not be classed by race but by personal experiences. To many of you have a fear of what America would become if we did unite. We are all Americans, i wonder what other countries think as they view this fiasco called an election??? Martin Luther King Jr had a dream that we would be judged by the content of our character and not the color of our skin. Who in their right mind would want Hillary Clinton>>>Calamity Jane<<<herself to run the White House. She is a stiffed neck, gain saying individual who will say anything to win the election. She is a divider. For we all know that SOME of the problems we are facing start at our home. Where was Barack or Hillary when we financed a home thatwe knew we could not afford?? So we worry about health care, gas prices and etc. What if we don't get what we want??? ALMOST everyone in this nation is voting for themselves. Yes America, you, i, and us all collectively are the source of our own problems and we expect the next President to bail us out. We are strongly delusional if we believe that. We are going to have to fix SOME of our own problems and will take much sacrifice. Barack or Hillary do not hold all the answers. We need to vote for whom we know is the most sincere canidate and not for someone who will probably not deliver half of what they are saying. Wakeup people, we as Americans have just been spoiled for far to long. And as far as Barack goes, everyone says that he is not experienced enough. Well...well...well... look at the ones who have been in power for far too long that have lead us down the Slippery Slope that we are on now. Give love a chance, give Barack a chance!!! Lord help us as Americans to look to you and ONLY you; the author and the finisher of our faith in these difficult times in which we are facing. Amen.
So, did Obama cave or what? The lapel pin? Was he afraid to face Rush Limbaugh's angry mob without it?
A) The Birds: The SUPERDELEGATES can't figure out how to attack Obama's tight style.
B) The Alfred Hitchcock Presents Episode: An inmate crafts a plan with his OLD pal to escape. He is to be buried alive and then dug up at night for the ultimate prison break. Unfortunately, his old friend dies after the burial and the inmate dies after the o2 runs out and his match is extinguished. Just like the slow death Clinton will suffer when her lights go out.
C) Wrong Pick (sorry): This is "Rear Window." McCain is pleasuring himself watching the Dems kill themselves. The Bates reference was an homage within an homage.
D) I am convinced Mathews is The Man Who Knew Too Much and Olberman tries to be witty but is dim. They need a deathmatch. Anyhoo, this choice represents the "Squeal Like A Pig" scene in Deliverance. The Democrats get fucked in the ass because of Clinton's bullshit, who by the way, is a razorback.
P.S. Ironic link is dead. Irony Blogisified. I don't know what the literary word is for that type of irony. Irony indeed.
Huckabee on the merits of Rocky and "going the distance." Of course, Rocky loses and Hillary goofed on yet another movie homage. Little did she know, she intended Rocky II.
7:38 - Chris Mathews admits he wants to make love to Hitchcock. Again. Now everyone is chiming in with this cliche. How will this all end?
A) Birds swarm in and have difficulty figuring out Obama's doo.
B) McCain caught pleasuring himself (Bates) in a window.
C) Hillary burried in a casket without oxygen. (Episode of Hitchcock presents).
D) Mathews mentions The Man Who Knew Too Much and Olbermann mentions the ending is more like Ned Beatty in Deliverance.