Liveblog: The West Virginia Irrelevancy
9:52 - Chris Matthews just called Mayor Willie Brown "Harold Ford Jr." Geez. I wonder what those two have in common that could have confused him...
9:46 - The night's over and it belongs to Hillary. We leave you with this final West Virginia fun fact:
FACT: Readers of the blog may be excited to learn that West Virginia was rated to have the second worst oral health in the country!
With this in mind, the Indecision 2008 team feels that the teeth of Senators Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton are simply too elitist for the Mountain State (although Hillary does win points for yellowness.) That's why we're calling tonight's race for a write-in candidate whose oral hygiene is more respectful of working people! By the way, the state with the #1 worst oral health in the country? It's none other than next week's primary host, Kentucky-- surely McCain country!
9:29 - Ok, so Terry McAuliffe prepped us for Hillary's speech by telling us it would be the greatest speech EVER! So how did it rank?
9:28 - Best. Speech. Ever.
9:27 - Wait, a little boy sold his bicycle in order to send Hillary a campaign contribution? That sounds bad.
9:23 - Conciliatory words from Hillary: "I will work my heart out for the nominee to make sure we have a Democrat in the White House in November." She also says that the long nominating race as been a healthy process for whoever the nominee is.
9:21 - Hillary Clinton is clearly very serious about this race. It says a tremendous amount about her that she is delivering this speech as though everything is A-OK, even though every pundit and talking head has declared her dead on arrival. Is there anyone else in the country with that kind of resolve? Joe Biden and Chris Dodd battled on the evening of Iowa caucuses to each attempt to withdraw FIRST!
9:17 - Hillary: "I never give up. I keep coming back." There's really no denying that.
9:11 - Standard background behind Hillary for her big speech. Old person. Black guy. Adorable child. Bored looking teenager.
9:08 - John Denver reference! Didn't see that coming.
9:07 - Clinton's "victory" speech is starting. Ahh!! My eyes! That pantsuit! So salmon!!
9:02 - Current background music at Clinton HQ: "Free Ride" by the Edgar Winter Group. The song lyrics claim that the singer comes from Kentucky ... coincidence??
8:58 - McAuliffe just incorrectly announced that Clinton won the Missouri primary. Oops.
8:57 - Terry McAuliffe has someone behind him waving a sign that says "We Pakistan Love." Thoughts?
8:56 - Terry McAuliffe is taking the stage in Charleston. Earlier in the evening, he declared that tonight Hillary would deliver "the greatest speech ever." He should know, as the deliverer of the slimiest speech ever.
8:47 - From the CNN stream: Clinton supporters demonstrate that they are able to clap in unison.
8:43 - REAL NEWS - though not election related. Barry Bonds has been charged with 14 counts of perjury.
8:38 - Ok, I know this is going to sound weird, but I have more respect for Bill O'Reilly right now than CNN and MSNBC combined. I'm watching those other two networks try to bull shit their way through 5 hours with coverage from West Virginia.
Bill? He's talking about some teacher-student sex scandal. He knows there's no news out of West Virginia, so he's telling us what the real news is.
8:35 - CNN has a live feed from inside the Clinton campaign HQ. By watching, we just learned that her supporters just figured out how to do the wave.
8:30 - The Washington Post is live with the news that Hillary Clinton leads Barack Obama, with a total of 0 votes to Obama's 0 votes. "Other" is in a distant third with 0 votes, followed by Dennis Kucinich.
8:22 - In an acknowledgment of his New York Times-predicted "shellacking" in the West Virginia primary, Barak Obama spent the day campaigning in Cape Girardeau, Missouri.
Cape Girardeau is notable for its strategic location on the Mississippi River and its favorite son, Rush Limbaugh, who has single-handedly kept its Hardee's in business on visits home.
8:18 - From the comments, Sgt. Pepper Politics offers us another bizarre, Hitchcock related poll that we don't really understand. But lacking any actual news, we shall offer it up to you.
8:12 - MSNBC pundit Mike Huckabee (huh?) is comparing Hillary Clinton to Rocky Balboa because they both like back rubs. We find this comparison ironic.
8:06 - The Washington Post is reporting that Clinton's victory speech will held in the "bowels" of a Charleston, WV convention center, "where two sets of bleachers will accommodate no more than a few hundred lucky supporters." No report on how quickly those supporters will be expunged from the bowels after the Senator's speech.
7:58 - Time for another West Virginia fact:
FACT: The Senior Senator is Robert C. Byrd, chairman of the Senate's powerful octogenarian caucus and a staff favorite in the assisted living wing of the Capitol. Prior to his tenure in the Senate, Byrd served in a different citizens' body -- let's call it a Kongressional Kampaign Kommittee-- but these days he mostly just sleeps.
7:55 - This just in! It's all over folks - we can now finally know the results of tonight's voting for sure. The Fresno, California Bee is officially calling the election for Hillary Clinton.
7:51 - CNN offers the latest evidence yet that Hillary is in fact the Yeti, dressed in a salmon pantsuit.
7:40 - If the networks can do a bunch of nonsensical filler material in an attempt to pretend that tonight's primary is relevant, so can we. Throughout the night we'll be giving you little known facts about West Virginia.
FACT: Our readers may be surprised to know that althouhg West Virginia voted for George W. Bush in each of the past two elections, its highest-ranking state officials are Democrats.
The governor is Joe Manchin. Since taking office, Diamond Joe has attempted to make “open for business” the state's motto of West Virginia. We assume the same adage adorns the tip jar on his desk.
7:30 - Breaking! Hillary Clinton wins West Virginia.
7:29 - Only 12 seconds until Brith Hume tells us Hillary Clinton won!
7:26 - Drudgereport.com has preemptively deemed Clinton "Ms. West Virginia" at the top of its main page, in a foolhardy attempt to be cute. The Indecision2008 team will keep you posted on the impending lawsuit by Holli Marie Owens, the rightful bearer of that hard-earned title.
7:21 - BREAKING! Hillary Clinton is about to top Martin Luther King Jr.'s "I Have a Dream," Abraham Lincoln's "Gettysburg Address," and Jesus Christ's "Sermon on the Mount" according to Terry McAuliffe. (Thanks to Joe in the comments)
7:20 - The New York Times has apparently minimized its prediction of Hillary Clinton's margin of victory in West Virginia. Initially, the paper's webpage reported that the Obama campaign was "expecting a shellacking." As of this hour, that has been downgraded to "expecting a big loss." Stop the presses!
7:16 - Brit Hume knows who's going to win!! But he won't tell us for 14 minutes... But we know what he's going to say. Highlight the following text for a BIG spoiler!! Hillary Clinton will wing West Virginia.
7:12 - So what do you think the outcome of tonight will be?
7:10 - Over on Fox News, Brit Hume makes fun of Major Garrett for not being able to pronounce "R"s and "L"s. I believe this is an indicator of how little news we expect to see tonight.
7:02 - With less than a half hour to go, Wolf Blitzer tells us that tonight's primary won't change anything with regards to the Democratic nomination. So why does CNN have "West Virginia Primary Coverage" on their broadcast schedule from 7:00 - 12:00?
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I wanted to scroll back to the first time I ever posted anything to take a trip down memory lane. But, because that takes like a year, I couldn't.
It was fun to see everyone's viewpoints and memorable once from i guess the past month or so (seemed like a year getting here), from The "Fuck it I'll do it live" to a blogger worried she was getting censored, to the "Vagina/Scrotum debacle" the predictions and clips, it was cool.
After getting tired, I found one of the irrational polls the irrational thinkers decided to place up here which was accurate by the voters: Hillary would have a Ned Beatty Style rear-ending like Deliverance. However, now she needs deliverance for Barack to win.
I came on board somewhere in late March I believe, and it took too long to get back there. Maybe y'all can archive b/c I wanted to look at the old comments and articles.
It's funny to see everything through the looking glass onions.
Also, thanks for fucking up my sleep cycle for months. Work in a few. Thanks for a really incredible open forum. The best, objectively, I've ever seen on the web.
Indecision is a kind word.
Y'all know which one I meant.
My Tin foil hat started to throw sparks after reading that last post.
Charleston WV - July 2, 1960 (UPI)
The West Virginia State Legislature overwhelmingly passed the state's first affirmative action law today.
The new law which takes effect immediately provides at least one negro family per square mile for white residents to discriminate against. The law creates a level playing field, giving every white person in the state an equal chance to practice discrimination. The legislation was drafted after many West Virginia residents had complained that the sparse and often unevenly distributed minority population in the state was bad for white morale.
"West Virgin'a needs to keep up with the rest of the south", said Earl Ray Sharpes of Sputumburg, "we're a part of Dixie too and not havin' our own negroes to harass will sorely diminish our children's discriminatin' skills. We're ain't jus' talking 'bout hate or havin' somebody to look down on, this is tradition."
When asked for comment, a NAACP spokesman said, "Affirmative what!? Goddamn West Virginia crackers are either stupid or crazy."
State officials said that more progressive legislation was in the works this session. Among these, a forward looking compulsory reading and writing program for public schools and a controversial law allowing women to wear shoes while pregnant.
Holly May - Curious as to how you define liebertarian. Ron Paul and Tucker are a tiny minority of people who expouse this philosophy which has many logical questions that must be answered.
Some questions for Libertarians:
A) So, you're on a bus. A group of mourners come on to the bus, not taking up any space, with a casket. They dump a corpse on the seat and begin to smash it with a hammer without causing any harm to the bus itself or anyone. Legal?
B)Same bus. This time, a couple into copraphagia, shit into one anothers mouths. Legal?
C)Same gus. A Klansman sits down next to a black fella and starts an incantation quitely about how the country should revert to slavery(Imagine Kimbo Slice). If Kimbo beats the fuck out of him, does he not have a self defense claim? Didn't the Klansman knowingly create a clear and present danger?
D) Same song fourth verse: A woman with a wire hanger spreads her legs open and perfoms an abortion in front of everyone not injuring or splattering embryonic fluid on anyone. Everyone does see a bloody mush. Legal?
E) A woman has a heart attack without insurance. Do we let her die?
F) A motorcyclist drives by without a helmet. Legal?
G) A smoker lights up a cigar, a fattie, and a Marlboro next to you on the bus. Legal?
E) Everyone in Darfur is waterboarded by an unknown group and murdered slowly? We shouldn't help now should we?
There is a difference between legality. morality, and sanity in part, some libertarian ideas can work. But, as universal application, the answer is.........SEE WHY TUCKER LOST HIS SHOW. Which I disagree with. Tucker is brilliant and from a pure comedic standpoint is fun to watch because a true libertarian can make some rather silly yet logically compelling arguments at times. Libertarian viewpoints are interesting, and is why Paul insanely gathered a young audience who are probably reading about this in their Freshman year of PHilosophy 109 for the first time. The counteragrument to libertarianism is this: It is fucking retarded.
Later: This is a spin of some article I read in a philosphical journal some 15 years ago in college where knowledge is good. I think it's called A Ride on the Bus and is hysterical.
http://sgtpepperpolitics.blogspot.com/
Umber,
Maybe they were all Libertarians to begin with and as usual because they don't have a platform are willing to just screw that system like a good little anarchist.
A/8 = "Dead Man's Hand."
Calamity Jane should know better since that's the hand Wild Bill was playing when he was shot in the back at a poker table. Jane loved Bill (who is Obama in this example).
Hllary ought take a progressive approach with Obama, put her personal issues to the side, and not snipe with racial rounds (as she did with the "uneducated whites"). Time to rally. Sadly, I think she is waiting for Rocky II. If so, Obma's a dead man (politically) and she is the one who would be shooting the country in the back.
I don't think the poster who mentioned "400 Years" was serious because as we all know, this country was founded in the second year of our Lord, Rev. Wright.
And Stalin...
To get votes before he became elected Stalin used propaganda to portray an image of himself into the minds of the public. The most extreme way he did this was to show himself as a disciple of Lenin as he was seen as a god of communism at that time. He edited pictures of Lenin and other people and stuck his face on instead so it would seem like he was very close to Lenin. Another stunt he pulled in order to get himself elected was to tell Trotsky, the opposition, not to go to Lenin's funeral as Trotsky was ill. However Stalin made a moving speech while Trotsky was seen as a disrespectful 'sciver'. This won Stalin a lot of votes and after Lenin's Death, Stalin took over and was seen as a new Lenin.
http://www.studentcentral.co.uk/AS_and_A_Level/History/Modern_European_History__1789-1945/_Brought_glory_to_Stalin__-_was_this_the_L19825.html
Hey Roddenberry (obviously not of Star Trek fame),
How Hitler Became a Dictator
http://www.lewrockwell.com/hornberger/hornberger100.html
Excuse me! I have been a Hillary supporter. I am not uneducated or dumb or illiterate. I have read the HP blogs abot McCain. I belong to Move-on.org and have been trying to spread the message through the "McCain-Bush Challenge:
http://Bush-McCainChallenge.com/?rc=taf1&r_id=12624-9103038-A.ZcCN&t=1
I have been blogging to get people to become informed by going to:
"www.vietnamveteransagainstjohnmccain".
Don't lump Hillary supporters into your uninformed grouping. It's offensive and untrue! I'm not ready to fuck Obama, but I will vote for him when he becomes the nominee. So lighten up! I love my country and will cast my vote in Her best interests!!! You educated "Pied Piper" followers need to lighten up.