Catching Up With A Loser: Tom Tancredo
Join former United States Senate Pages Dylan and Ethan Ris as they bring you the dish on not just the presidential race but all the exciting triumphs and disgraces inside, outside, and below the Beltway!
Catching Up With A Loser! Aging another year means presents for most people, but on December 20, 2007, Rep. Tom Tancredo (R-CO) gave a gift to America by dropping out of the presidential race for his 62nd birthday! This shrewd move makes Tancredo the fifth entry in Congressional Confidential’s lineup of 2008 presidential losers.
The Colorado Congressman had staked his candidacy on the single issue of stamping out illegal immigration, promising as president to institute widespread deportations, build a 50-foot fence along the Mexican border, and personally investigate the kitchen of every Arby's in Texas until the last undocumented immigrant was found. Tancredo's campaign slogan was pretty straightforward: "Secure the borders. Deport those who don't belong. Make sure they never come back." Doesn't quite have the same ring as "Change We Can Believe In" or "John McCain: Redder Than Ever."
Tancredo complicated his message of an illegal immigration crackdown by turning out to be (isn't it funny how this always happens?) employing illegal immigrants for repairs on his home. He also won plenty of questionable press coverage by suggesting that the United States retaliate for any future terrorist attacks by bombing Mecca and Medina -- which we assume would be coordinated with Al Qaeda's annual recruitment drive and telethon.
By late 2007, Tancredo was trying force other candidates out of the race by making desperate wagers, which failed to improve his chances but did result in Fred Thompson eating 85 hush puppies in ten minutes. With the odds growing dimmer by the minute, Tancredo finally decided to try a time-honored political "Hail Mary": Threatening to blow up an Iowa shopping mall. Shockingly, this failed to produce a bump in the polls, which forced Tancredo to enter his 63rd year as just another also-ran.
But cry no tears for this loser. Though he won't be President and he's not running for re-election to Congress, we're sure Tancredo will stay busy in retirement by screaming at Karl Rove, insulting the Pope, and receiving terrible service at Chipotle!
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at least i don't have to vote against him in november...
Do you think anyone's broken the news to Tancredo that all four of his grandparents were immigrants?
Tom Tancredo is a much better choice than Obama or McCain. Once all third world countries dump their poor and undesired on the US, then maybe the people will finally wake up! Good thing this is a comedy site, the other comments are a joke.
He should get some joy out of insulting the waitress when he orders the early bird special and some tomato sauce falls on his white shoes.
I bet he paid those illegal immigrants bare minimum wage in cash.
Tancredo should leave the Republicans and run for president on the Know-Nothing ticket ... they set the gold standard for xenophobia back in the 1850s