September 5th at 4:40PM

The Beat Don't Go On For America's Hip Hop Mayor

POSTED BY: Dylan Ris

We finally have an answer to the age-old hypothetical question: "If I'm mayor of the 11th largest city in the country, how many felony counts for perjury, obstruction of justice, misconduct in office, and assaulting a police officer would it take before I have to resign?"

The answer is ten...

Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick pleaded guilty to a pair of felony obstruction charges on Thursday in a sex-and-misconduct scandal and will step down after months of defiantly holding onto his job leading the nation's 11th-largest city.

The plea deal brings to an end a seven-months-long sex scandal that led to felony charges against Kilpatrick and plunged the city, region and state into political chaos….

Kilpatrick had faced 10 felony counts in the two separate criminal cases and could have faced up to 15 years in prison had he been convicted of perjury.

The plea deal was a wise choice for "America's Hip Hop Mayor." The court of public opinion had already indicted him, and further resistance would have led to his removal from office by Michigan Governor Jennifer Granholm, (who looks like she listens to country.)

Kilpatrick apologized to supporters in a press conference, noting that "supporting me has not always been easy, but it has not been boring either." Indeed, in the grand scheme of mayors, Detroiters have had a pretty fun ride with Kilpatrick—especially when you compare him to tedious squares like Ed Koch and Marion Barry.

And there's good news for anyone who fears that life without a justice-obstructing, stripper-hiring, sheriff's-deputy-assaulting, 14,000-lurid-text-message-sending mayor will be too boring to endure…

Kilpatrick is only barred from holding office for five years.

4 Comments
  1. What a country this has turned out to be. It only goes to show that the peoples rulers have indeed turned out to be as corrupted as the people themselves. Greatest nation on earth my ass. We elect what we deserve.

    by hezajew September 7th at 4:24PM
    (Report This Comment)
  2. what to you call abunch of broken out windows leadin to church sooting ext.. an air bricade low flying exremmly low flying 3 lighted quiet jets not to mix them up with winks and what not or what apears to be mour stelth! 4-5 mesages ext to the fbi notes to goveners office. and a shit tune of more stuff that has ben going on for about 2-1/2 years. and of course the lazer pounter that must have been widdled to a stick for it must have hade some kind of leverage when i noteised it glaring in my rear view which the became a larger glair. a guy going throught way to much terisim jizzim!

    by kaboja September 6th at 5:54AM
    (Report This Comment)
  3. I nominate Kwame Kilpatrick for "America's Mayor".

    by DaveW September 5th at 7:23PM
    (Report This Comment)
  4. And that stripper he hired was found dead in a murder that has not been solved. She was planning to press charges against the mayor's wife for assaulting her with a baseball bat. The mayor is gone but this woman's death has not been resolved and Kilpatrick may know why.

    by Michael Weller September 5th at 7:22PM
    (Report This Comment)

Leave a Reply

*
To prove that you're not a bot, enter this code