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November 25th at 11:13AM

David Axelrod: The Secret Muslim Socialist's Karl Rove

POSTED BY: Dylan Ris

When the Bush Administration abdicates its throne in January, it will leave behind the redefinition of several administrative roles. The American vice president, for instance, is now a joint member of the executive and legislative branches as well as his own military branch in the war against pheasant-hunting old men.

Even more drastically changed is the role of White House Senior Advisor, which Karl Rove transformed from a middling policy job to one of great importance -- ranking somewhat above U.S. President, but slightly below CEO of ExxonMobil.

Now with Rove banished to Fox News, (where he becomes the most liberal employee following the departure of Alan Colmes), the White House Advisor job transfers to David Axelrod, Barack Obama's longtime strategist.

Fun facts about Axelrod...

* He kind of hates Karl Rove.

* He is Jewish. This makes him an unlikely co-conspirator in Obama's planned destruction of Israel, which was reported by noted foreign policy analyst Joe the Plumber.

* He probably had a lot to do with Hillary Clinton's Secretary of State nomination, since she practically cured cancer as a favor to his wife.

* Although he sports the classic "advisor's mustache," he's still miles behind the dean of his profession, Rasputin.

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LAST COMMENT:

He's Toby Ziegler.

by obamagramma November 26th at 4:39AM
3 Comments
November 24th at 10:41AM

Safely Elected, Barack Obama Can Start Skipping Church Again

POSTED BY: Dylan Ris

Presidential elections in our country tend to put greater emphasis on church attendance than, say, international nuclear proliferation. And this year was no exception, with pastors like Jeremiah Wright and John Hagee getting far more press exposure than actual presidential candidates like Tom Vilsack and Jim Gilmore.

No one knew this better than Barack Obama, whose campaign nearly collapsed under the weight of Wright's controversial sermons and God-awful JFK impersonation. The Illinois Senator felt forced to drop out of Wright's church and bounce between a number of other ones between late April and Election Day.

But now that he won, he can finally drop that whole act...

President-elect Barack Obama has yet to attend church services since winning the White House earlier this month, a departure from the example of his two immediate predecessors.

On the three Sundays since his election, Obama has instead used his free time to get in workouts at a Chicago gym.

Indeed, there are few place you're more likely to find Obama than not in church. Recall, if you will, the controversy surrounding Wright's "God damn America" sermon. Obama claims to have never heard Wright utter those words. Why?

Because he didn't attend church that day.

And where was Obama when Hagee declared that Hitler was sent by God to herd the Jews to Israel? Hypocritically playing basketball perhaps.

Come to think of it, Obama has also been neglecting his obligations to secretly attend a mosque and secretly pray toward Mecca five times per day ever since the day he was born!

What a disappointment.  Doesn't Obama realize that religious zealots make by far the most entertaining presidents?  The man hasn't even taken office, and already he's making Dick Cheney look like Jimmy Swaggart at a pentacostal tent revival.

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