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November 11th at 1:05PM

Laura Bush's Forthcoming Memoir to Confirm Existence of Thoughts, Opinions, Inner Life

POSTED BY: Eric March

First Lady Laura Bush will be taking time off from her busy schedule doing the things she does to write her hotly-anticipated memoir.

"Laura is interviewing publishers who are bidding on her memoirs," one biographer told Page Six. "The publishers are coming to the White House to meet with her and discuss the book."

Call me sentimental, but I'm a sucker for a big nostalgia play like this! Who can forget that classic Laura Bush moment? Or the other classic Laura Bush moment. Remember what she said? That was priceless.

I bet there's even enough Laura Bush material to bleed into a George Bush memoir...

Those same literary poobahs see George W. Bush as literary poison for now. "Dubya is going to have to wait about five years," a top publishing insider said. "He's so unpopular at this point that there's no market for any book by him. "

Not only that, but he can't even write a book! 'Cause he doesn't know how to write! He can't even write as well as Monica Lewinsky gives blow jobs (not so great, apparently!) Oh snap! Who said Barack Obama killed comedy?

Literary superagent Mort Janklow told us: "The wives of presidents generally write books that have a greater public interest. Wives usually write from a personal point of view - instead of talking about government policy, they talk about when the dog came to the White House and had to be paper-trained. Husbands usually try to rewrite history."

I, for one, am looking forward to a complete laying bare of the Bushes' pet care decisions. I don't know how the public will react if Laura's memoir contradicts any of the key assertions in Bob Woodward's "Barney at Poop" series.

(Via Huffington Post)

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I don't poop. I deposit expoosives.

by Barney Bush November 11th at 2:26PM
1 Comment
November 11th at 10:23AM

Barack Obama and Michelle Obama's Secret Service Code Names Suggest They Might Be Cool After All

POSTED BY: Eric March

A new president-elect has a lot on his plate. There's the transitionin' o'the power, the measurin' o'the drapes and, most importantly, the leakin' o'the Secret Service code names to the MSNBC.

The new First Family has been issued code names by the Secret Service. Barack Obama's is "Renegade."

Terrible call! You can't give the new most awesome guy in the whole world the most awesome code name in the whole world. His enemies are gonna know exactly who you're talking about! "Sir, we've received word that 'Renegade' is on his way." "That's Obama, duh. Hand me the pulse cannon. I swear, if I weren't a hypothetical person with such poorly hashed out hatred for the man, I would make love to him in a second."

Michelle Obama's is "Renaissance."

Terrible call! That is also an awesome name. Come on, Obama! Some of us wish we had bad ass code names, but have to make do with "Skippy" or "Tentpole Lube." When are you gonna get serious about spreading the wealth around?

Joe and Jill Biden also received code names, though it's tough to top "Renegade" and "Renaissance."

Yeah.