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10 TOTAL POSTS

October 15th at 2:45PM

...You (Still?) Might Be a Muslim

POSTED BY: Karen Lurie and Eric March

You're driving through West Plains, Missouri, like you always do, and you come across this billboard, which was clearly designed by the same artist who wanted to brighten up your breakfast with this. And naturally, you're still having trouble deciding whether Barack Obama is an "Arab" or not. So, we thought it was time to remind you of this handy guide we found in the bathroom at Swifty's Swiftboatery Inn and Swiftboatorium:

* If you greet your wife fist-to-fist instead of open palm-to-open palm, you might be a Muslim.

* If you want to turn the USA into a terrorist paradise with universal terrorist healthcare and college tuition credits for every terrorist, you might be a Muslim.

* If you have ever not punched a gay person you totally could have punched, you might be a Muslim.

* If you lob inspiring platitudes like hand grenades, you might be a Muslim.

* If you have talked to a Muslim, you might be a Muslim.

* If young people aren't immediately revulsed by your craggy, translucent skin and creepy old man giggle, you might be a Muslim.

* If you go to a Christian church that has a crazy pastor, you might be a Muslim.

* If you're black and running for president, you might be a Muslim.

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LAST COMMENT:

Check out this Youtube video, it's a song about Sarah Palin! http://www.youtube.com/kimblethelegend

by Cannotgetusername October 16th at 7:37PM
11 Comments
September 17th at 4:30PM

True Hollywood Story: Barack Obama

POSTED BY: Karen Lurie and Eric March

With the recent Barack Obama media blackout, it's easy to forget that it wasn't that long ago that John McCain called him "the biggest celebrity in the world", and Obama was framed angelically on the cover of Rolling Stone:

Of course, this is all Obama has ever wanted. President of the Harvard Law Review, civil rights attorney, junior senator from Illinois...this is clearly the path to the flash-popping life of a political socialite.

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LAST COMMENT:

"Oh, by the way, how presidential is it to stump on the fact, beforeo the world, how fu^&ed up our economy is?" You think that the rest of the world isn't laughing at us? They've been doing so for years. I suggest you take your own advice and "get beyond [your] own self generated hype." The irony is not lost on me; I hope it is not lost on you, either.

by alex September 18th at 2:32AM
11 Comments
September 17th at 10:42AM

A Top 1/10 of 1 Percenter's Guide to Surviving an Obama Tax Increase

POSTED BY: Karen Lurie and Eric March

If the profound, overwhelming panic in Matt Lauer's eyes when he covers the stock market crisis is any indication, Barack Obama's plan to raise the taxes of those who make more than $250,000 a year is probably making the very very rich start to shake in their Prada loafers. And since so many people in that tax bracket are regular readers of Indecision, we offer some solace in this guide on how to survive if Obama gets elected:

* Charitable contributions are tax deductable. An Obama presidency would be a perfect opportunity to ramp up support for your favorite conservative charities, like "Billionaires Against the Poor," or "Exxon."

* Invest in blue chip commodities that maintain a steady demand over macro time intervals, such as cookies and sex.

* Move to a rural community to increase your relative wealth. The same $14 million that bought your modest TriBeCa brownstone can buy you the right to hunt, trap and murder the entire population of Pumphrey, Texas with no legal repercussions.

* Shelter your assets in fictional offshore tax havens like Treasure, Temptation and Gilligan's Islands.

* If you're a supervillain, ask yourself when the last time your goons were able to execute one simple task was. If the answer is, "Never, you fools," cut payroll by 50%.

* Try living comfortably with less by trading in your giant fucking yacht for a medium fucking yacht.

* Ask yourself: are you really so concerned that your legacy lives on into the next generation that you're willing to throw all your money away trying to make it so? If not, stop financially supporting your kids.