Results for ‘Bill Richardson’:

28 TOTAL POSTS

July 16th at 5:39PM

Holy Veeps-Stakes, Batman!

POSTED BY: TheInDecider

As John McCain and Barack Obama get closer to picking their running mates, we're sure we know what's on their minds: "Which Batman villain matches most closely to the person I'm considering as my running mate?" After all, that's how presidential candidates have been picking vice presidents since 1939. Well, we thought we'd make it easy for them with this handy chart:

VPs for John McCain:

Mitt Romney = Two-Face
Romney's stances on the issues switch so much it's as if he's making ideological decisions based on coin flips. And you should see what his face looks like under the skin graft. Nothing but metal and wires.


Tim Pawlenty = Two-Face
Pawlenty had been rocking a mullet for a while, but now that he's getting close to being a contender, he cuts it off? Sounds pretty two-faced to us!

VPs for Barack Obama:

Mike Bloomberg = Two-Face
The self-made billionaire and NYC mayor is a Democrat turned Republican turned Independent. Plus, if the rumors of his adolescent womanizing are at least partially true, we assume he used to be taller than four-foot-eight and didn't talk like a cabaret singer.


Kathleen Sebelius = Two-Face
As the Democratic governor of a red state, she's had to pretend to hate things like gays and abortions in private while loving them in public. Plus, if she side-steps Hillary Clinton to become the first woman to win on a presidential ticket, expect to see donations to Hillary Clinton Supporters for Throwing Sulfuric Acid in Kathleen Sebelius' Face go through the roof.


Bill Richardson = Catwoman
So limber that cats in New Mexico are often described as, "lithe as a Richardson."

[Bloglines] [del.icio.us] [Digg] [Facebook] [Fark] [Google] [MySpace] [Reddit] [StumbleUpon] [Technorati] [Yahoo!] More »
TAGS: , , , , , ,

LAST COMMENT:

"Holy Bat Guano Batman! The Riddler broke into the Bat-Computer. I wonder what he's up to next!" "Will The Riddler continue his mischief in Blog City? Is this a fiendish plot by The Joker? Tune in next week. Same Bat time. Same Bat channel."

by Robin July 18th at 11:03PM
3 Comments
July 11th at 3:35PM

Congressional Confidential: And Now, Batting .000, Bill Richardson!

POSTED BY: TheInDecider

Join former United States Senate Pages Dylan and Ethan Ris as they bring you the dish on not just the presidential race but all the exciting triumphs and disgraces inside, outside, and below the Beltway!

congressionalconfidential_2.jpg

Catching Up With A Loser! In our rush last week to profile failed presidential contender Duncan Hunter, we passed over the highly forgettable candidacy of Gov. Bill Richardson (D-NM) who dropped out on January 10, beating Hunter by more than two weeks in the loser-stakes!
From Day One, Richardson made it clear that he was not your average presidential contender. Among other things, he was:

* The first serious candidate to strongly resemble the Incredible Hulk.

* Experienced as a governor, congressman, ambassador, cabinet secretary, and critically acclaimed YouTube actor.

* Latino, and therefore able to converse with outgoing president George W. Bush in terrible, broken Spanish.

* Able to withstand the wrath of lesbian rocker Melissa Etheridge when stating that her homosexuality was a choice.

* The only candidate to perpetuate a flagrant lie about being a Major League Baseball player.

Yeah, about that last one... It turns out that while Richardson did play professional baseball (in the Cape Cod League), he misspoke ever so slightly when he repeatedly claimed in various speeches and biographies that he had been drafted by the Kansas City Athletics. After his lie was exposed, Richardson tackled the media firestorm like a 3 AM phone call, explaining:

"After being notified of the situation and after researching the matter... I came to the conclusion that I was not drafted by the A's."

Thanks for clearing that up, Governor! We hope you can share some of your research skills with fellow non-draftee Fidel Castro!

Richardson's presidential campaign enjoyed roughly the same success as his baseball career. Despite support from the powerful pro-cockfighting wing of the Democratic Party, he placed a dismal fourth in both the Iowa and New Hampshire primaries, leading pundits to name him "The Ernest 'Fritz' Hollings of 2008." (Or, in the case of James Carville, "The Judas Iscariot of 2008.")

For now Richardson remains the Governor of New Mexico, but the state's lackluster economy may inspire the voters to place him on waivers, at which point Richardson hopes he'll be picked up by the increasingly desperate Washington Nationals!

[Bloglines] [del.icio.us] [Digg] [Facebook] [Fark] [Google] [MySpace] [Reddit] [StumbleUpon]