Results for ‘Health Care’:

10 TOTAL POSTS

August 14th at 6:03PM

Senator Tom Coburn's Valiant Fight Against AIDS Research

POSTED BY: Ethan Ris

Republican Senator Tom Coburn from Oklahoma is more wound up than a Tulsa twister about the United States' participation in last week's international AIDS conference in Mexico City.

Apparently, the conservative senator considers it a huge waste of taxpayer's dollars to send delegates to such conferences...

Mr. Coburn has been critical of federal funding of past AIDS conferences. In 2006, he questioned whether the federal government was acting prudently in spending "millions of dollars" on several AIDS conferences that year.

The 2008 AIDS conference, which ends Friday, has attracted more than 22,000 participants worldwide. This is the first time the biennial event has been held in Latin America.

The Senator knew that there was no point in attending the conference, since he had already discovered the way to end AIDS once and for all! Coburn, you see, was the author of the "HIV Prevention Act of 1997."

The bill (which failed miserably, of course) would have made all AIDS test results public knowledge and forced the government to contact individually the potential sexual partners of any person who tested positive for HIV. Do we really need a bunch of Mexicans in lab coats telling us that that's just a common sense health policy?

And, besides, Coburn has already discovered how AIDS is spread: by lesbian teenagers in Oklahoma having sex in school bathrooms.

That's right, "scientists." You're one step behind Tom Coburn, the smartest man on earth.

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Thanks, Drew. Spelling atrocity fixed. For the record, that was a result of my garbagey spelling prowess, not Ethan's.

by Dennis DiClaudio August 15th at 1:19PM
4 Comments
August 14th at 12:00AM

Countdown to Electiony: 82 Days

POSTED BY: Dennis DiClaudio

82% of American adults think the country's current health care system is in total disarray and that if the presidential candidates don't add a reform agendas to their political platforms, then they should go and give themselves colonoscopic examinations of the large colon using their heads as an endoscope.*

Go back to Day 83.

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I know antoher uniquely impossible act they could perform on themselves. http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=go+fuck+yourself Boo 83. 84 for/is President.

by Risky Rev. August 14th at 6:58PM
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July 17th at 3:05PM

GOP Senator Trying to Give AIDS to the Late Jesse Helms

POSTED BY: CubbyChaser

Aw, this is really sweet. It truly does warm the cockles of my heart to see a U.S. Senator behaving with such sensitivity and aplomb...

Sen. Elizabeth Dole (R-NC) yesterday introduced an amendment that would have added the name of Jesse Helms to the title of the HIV/AIDS, Tuberculosis, and Malaria bill that is before the Senate. Helms, who died eleven days ago, was the nation's most vociferous foe of federal funding for HIV/AIDS programs from the epidemic's beginning until he left the Senate.

The current title of the bill is the "Tom Lantos and Henry J. Hyde United States Global Leadership Against HIV/AIDS, Tuberculosis, and Malaria Reauthorization Act of 2008."

If Dole's changes went into effect, I think it would be renamed something like "St. Jesse Helms Presents the Tom Lantos and Henry J. Hyde United States Global Leadership Against Tuberculosis, Malaria and Immoral Homosexual Scourge Disease," which kind of has a nice ring to it.

And you know what, if anybody deserves to be immortalized in an AIDS/HIV bill, it's Helms. Just look at his record of tireless work with homosexual issues...

Helms said that gays caused the AIDS epidemic and victimized Ryan White, threaten the survival of the American family, are in a battle against American values, and have the ultimate aim of having the American people accept "their perverted lifestyle."

Since Dole's proposition is almost certain to be laughed out of existence, maybe the legacy of Helms -- who succumbed to multi-infarct dementia and was carried up to Heaven on wings of angels earlier this month -- can be immortalized in some other way.