Results for ‘Jennifer Granholm’:

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September 5th at 4:40PM

The Beat Don't Go On For America's Hip Hop Mayor

POSTED BY: Dylan Ris

We finally have an answer to the age-old hypothetical question: "If I'm mayor of the 11th largest city in the country, how many felony counts for perjury, obstruction of justice, misconduct in office, and assaulting a police officer would it take before I have to resign?"

The answer is ten...

Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick pleaded guilty to a pair of felony obstruction charges on Thursday in a sex-and-misconduct scandal and will step down after months of defiantly holding onto his job leading the nation's 11th-largest city.

The plea deal brings to an end a seven-months-long sex scandal that led to felony charges against Kilpatrick and plunged the city, region and state into political chaos….

Kilpatrick had faced 10 felony counts in the two separate criminal cases and could have faced up to 15 years in prison had he been convicted of perjury.

The plea deal was a wise choice for "America's Hip Hop Mayor." The court of public opinion had already indicted him, and further resistance would have led to his removal from office by Michigan Governor Jennifer Granholm, (who looks like she listens to country.)

Kilpatrick apologized to supporters in a press conference, noting that "supporting me has not always been easy, but it has not been boring either." Indeed, in the grand scheme of mayors, Detroiters have had a pretty fun ride with Kilpatrick—especially when you compare him to tedious squares like Ed Koch and Marion Barry.

And there's good news for anyone who fears that life without a justice-obstructing, stripper-hiring, sheriff's-deputy-assaulting, 14,000-lurid-text-message-sending mayor will be too boring to endure…

Kilpatrick is only barred from holding office for five years.

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LAST COMMENT:

What a country this has turned out to be. It only goes to show that the peoples rulers have indeed turned out to be as corrupted as the people themselves. Greatest nation on earth my ass. We elect what we deserve.

by hezajew September 7th at 4:24PM
4 Comments
August 26th at 1:22PM

Detroit Mayor Too Busy Getting Removed From Office To Attend Convention

POSTED BY: Dylan Ris

Stand down, police officers of Denver.

Updating a previous item, America's favorite celebrity criminal, Kwame Kilpatrick, has announced he will not attend the Democratic convention. Kilpatrick, who when not standing trial maintains a day job as Mayor of Detroit, is technically a Barack Obama superdelegate-- something the Illinois Senator would rather you didn’t know.

Question now is: If he's not going to be partying it up with Ben Affleck, Kanye West and Rep. Jan Schakowsky (D-IL), what will the Mayor be doing instead?

Well his calendar for Tuesday includes a self-reminder to "avoid being removed from office by the Governor of Michigan"…

As Gov. Jennifer Granholm prepares to announce whether she will hold a removal hearing against Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick, the mayor's attorney urged the governor to "decline to join the lynch mob."

The removal hearing, requested by the [Detroit City] Council, stems from Kilpatrick's false testimony at a police whistle-blower trial last summer and his later effort to settle that and another suit for $8.4 million without informing the council of a side deal to hide damaging text messages that would expose his lies…

Okay, I guess that’s a legit excuse. Certainly better that the tired old "my appearance at the convention would shame my entire party because I've been accused of everything from assaulting a sheriff's deputy to porking my chief of staff, I violated my parole twice in three weeks, the court makes me wear an electronic tether, and technically I'm forbidden by law from leaving my own county."

Because Kilpatrick could have used that one too.

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