Results for ‘Jesse Helms’:

5 TOTAL POSTS

October 24th at 3:53PM

It DO Mean a Thing!: Swing State Profiles - North Carolina

POSTED BY: Dylan and Ethan Ris

As we push toward November 4, it's time to focus on our nation's Swing States (i.e. the ones who will pick a president for the rest of us based on whoever's negative ad they saw last.) So tough toodles, Texas. Nous sommes desoles, Massachusetts. Let's investigate a state that matters for a change…

North Carolina's Key Players

* Former Senator John Edwards: Was talked up as a potential Obama running-mate, given that Americans prefer their Democrats Southern, smooth-talking, and unfaithful to their wives.

* Former NBA star Michael Jordan, who decided to make an endorsement after it was revealed that Republicans no longer wear sneakers.

* Deceased Republican Senator Jesse Helms: His will states that if North Carolina ever votes for a black man, his body is to be exhumed and reburied in the Soviet Union.

Obama's Constituency

* Gay tobacco farmers.

* The N.C. State Wolfpack, who fear Sarah Palin's wrath.

* Liberals who "hate real Americans that work and accomplish and achieve and believe in God."

McCain's Constituency

* Proud Asheville residents who are pretty sure that one of McCain's seven homes is in their town.

* Senator Elizabeth Dole, who registered to vote in North Carolina during her two-week vacation to the state in 2006.

* Racists.

Predicted Winner: John McCain

When NASCAR speaks, North Carolina listens.

Check out more Swing State profiles here!

[Bloglines] [del.icio.us] [Digg] [Facebook] [Fark] [Google] [MySpace] [Reddit] [StumbleUpon] [Technorati] [Yahoo!] More »
TAGS: , , , , , , ,

LAST COMMENT:

Tony, first of all your a MORONIC ASSHOLE who we are glad to be rid of. Next We burnt John Mc Caint's house to the ground in Asheville before the foundation was laid. Viva Ash Vegas, VIVA OBAMA

by gaines November 4th at 9:01PM
12 Comments
July 17th at 3:05PM

GOP Senator Trying to Give AIDS to the Late Jesse Helms

POSTED BY: CubbyChaser

Aw, this is really sweet. It truly does warm the cockles of my heart to see a U.S. Senator behaving with such sensitivity and aplomb...

Sen. Elizabeth Dole (R-NC) yesterday introduced an amendment that would have added the name of Jesse Helms to the title of the HIV/AIDS, Tuberculosis, and Malaria bill that is before the Senate. Helms, who died eleven days ago, was the nation's most vociferous foe of federal funding for HIV/AIDS programs from the epidemic's beginning until he left the Senate.

The current title of the bill is the "Tom Lantos and Henry J. Hyde United States Global Leadership Against HIV/AIDS, Tuberculosis, and Malaria Reauthorization Act of 2008."

If Dole's changes went into effect, I think it would be renamed something like "St. Jesse Helms Presents the Tom Lantos and Henry J. Hyde United States Global Leadership Against Tuberculosis, Malaria and Immoral Homosexual Scourge Disease," which kind of has a nice ring to it.

And you know what, if anybody deserves to be immortalized in an AIDS/HIV bill, it's Helms. Just look at his record of tireless work with homosexual issues...

Helms said that gays caused the AIDS epidemic and victimized Ryan White, threaten the survival of the American family, are in a battle against American values, and have the ultimate aim of having the American people accept "their perverted lifestyle."

Since Dole's proposition is almost certain to be laughed out of existence, maybe the legacy of Helms -- who succumbed to multi-infarct dementia and was carried up to Heaven on wings of angels earlier this month -- can be immortalized in some other way.

[Bloglines] [del.icio.us] [Digg] [Facebook] [Fark] [Google]