Articles tagged Lincoln Diaz-Balart | Indecision2008

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October 9th at 7:06PM

"Suitcase Full of Cash" Smuggled to Florida Congressman, Crow Flies at Midnight

I'll tell you something. They do politics real exciting-like down there in Florida...

Raul Martinez and state Democrats at a Miami press conference today looked to tie [Republican Florida Congressperson] Lincoln Diaz-Balart to Puerto Rican senator Jorge de Castro Font, who was arrested by the FBI.

Dems charge that de Castro Font has "implicated" Diaz-Balart by alleging to "have traveled to Miami with Congressman Luis Fortuño of Puerto Rico to deliver a suitcase full of cash for Diaz-Balart's re-election campaign." The money was allegedly from a prominent PR family.

A suitcase full of cash, you say? Hmmm... Interesting.

Were the two Puerto Rican legislators wearing fake mustachios and big thick glasses at the time? Were they talking in jaunty British accents and effecting limps? And how did the manage to keep their prosthetic Heidelberg dueling scars in place for the whole plane ride?

Really, what the fuck is this all about? First of all, how does a suitcase full of cash make it into the continental United States these days? I can't even manage to smuggle a can of deodorant past the security people.

Second of all, doesn't Senator de Castro Font know that when they catch you, you're supposed to bite down on the cyanide pill embedded in your molar? Come on! What a frickin' amateur!

Now, he's just forcing Rep. Diaz-Balart to chainsaw him. I mean, what else can Diaz-Balart do? His back's against a wall.