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September 5th at 3:29PM

RNC Studs and Duds

POSTED BY: Dylan and Ethan Ris

Last week we brought you our wrap-up of Studs and Duds from the Democratic National Convention. And as Mitt Romney might contend, why grant privileges to terrorists if we aren't going to give them to our own true Patriots? Well, say no more, Governor! Here are your RNC Studs and Duds…

STUDS:

Sarah Palin: Unprepared? Hardly! Palin delivered the words of a George W. Bush speechwriter to perfection, and never once burst into tears -- even when mocking community organizers.

Joe Lieberman: The Connecticut "Democrat" boldly abandoned 90% of his principles to endorse McCain, which won him lots of new friends while doing away with that nasty committee chairmanship that's been weighing him down.

Fred Thompson: The failed "dumb as hell" presidential candidate redeemed himself by delivering a fiery recount of each individual wound sustained by John McCain as a North Vietnamese POW.

DUDS:

Rudy Giuliani: America's Mayor talked long enough to preempt a Sarah Palin video, and yet inexplicably made just one reference to 9/11. That's like Don McLean giving a concert and not playing "American Pie"!

Levi Johnston: Bristol Palin's Baby Daddy -- his MySpace photos plastered all over the internet -- was dragged onstage and paraded around like a pony. His life is over.

The Obnoxious Republican Delegates: McCain served in the Navy and was a POW. They, on the other hand, dressed in flag outfits and chanted "U-S-A!" and "Drill Baby Drill!"

John McCain: By failing to die onstage -- which would have boosted Sarah Palin to the top of the Republican ticket -- he disappointed the base.

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LAST COMMENT:

Stud:Triumph and Anderson Pooper "I thought there was one especially beautiful moment... when Keith Olbemann and Chris Matthews climaxed at the same time."

by Biff September 7th at 11:48PM
12 Comments
August 14th at 12:30PM

Will Jesus Rain on Barack Obama's Convention?

POSTED BY: Ethan Ris

Attention Denverians: Cancel your picnic plans for August 28th!

The always-fun evangelical Christian organization Focus on the Family has asked its members to pray for rain on that day in order to disrupt Barack Obama's acceptance speech before 75,000 liberal heathens at Invesco Field, an open-air football stadium, on the last night of the Democratic National Convention...

"I'm talking 'umbrella-ain't-going-to-help-you rain," the former pastor [Stuart Shepard] and television meteorologist said...

Mr Shepard, director of digital media at Focus Action, the political arm of Focus on the Family, insisted the video was supposed to be "mildly humorous". But it was hastily removed by Focus on the Family after complaints from at least a dozen of its members. "If people took it seriously, we regret it," said Tom Minnery, a spokesman.

None of this would have been an issue had Obama planned his speech in a venue with a roof. The Metrodome in Minneapolis, for example, would have been a good choice.

With a slightly more dismal turnout expected for the Republican National Convention, John McCain has a somewhat smaller venue planned: the Xcel Energy Center, with the capacity to hold slightly more than 20,000 people.

That's a little excessive for their needs, obviously, but it's good that they're safeguarding themselves against any liberal advocacy groups asking their members to pray to their pagan gods for a grease fire at the St. Paul IHOP.

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LAST COMMENT:

God loves Barack Obama.

by obamagramma August 31st at 4:20AM
6 Comments

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