Results for ‘Osama bin Laden’:

13 TOTAL POSTS

October 30th at 1:58PM

Weather: The Ultimate Terrorist - Why It Hates Apple Pie, Baseball and Corporate Socialism

POSTED BY: Dennis DiClaudio

On Monday night, I jumped on a train after work and got down to Philadelphia as fast as I could, just so that I could be in my home city when the Phillies delivered to us something that no other Philadelphia team could for the past 25 years.

Of course, Weather -- being the complete asshole that it is -- had to go and fuck it all up for me and cause the first rained out, freezing cold final World Series game in history. So, I came back to New York by myself, and the Phillies won last night. Without me. And the entire city went crazy. Without me.

Now, you might just think this was a stroke of bad luck, But I know otherwise. I know for a fact that this was an act of retribution upon me by Weather. You see, Monday night happened to be the eve of the release of my brand new non-fiction humor book Man vs. Weather: Be Your Own Weatherman, in which I reveal Weather's insidious agenda to destroy, undermine and inconvenience all of mankind. (Yes, it's a humor book and a science book. What of it?)

A coincidence? I think not.

So, why do I bring this up on a political blog? (Well, why besides me being a shameless opportunist?) I'll tell you why: If you think that Weather is only interested in ruining baseball games for incredibly important authors like me, you are sadly mistaken.

Weather hates America!

It hates America more than arch-terrorists like Osama bin Laden, William Ayers and Barack Obama combined. Oh, it hates us so much! Why? I'll tell you why...

Read the rest of this entry »

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LAST COMMENT:

1. Commie socialist stains are the new pants. 2. I am now married to a Philidelphian so that makes me a Phillies fan. 3. My husband has been trying to explain what it is to be a Phillies fan for the last two weeks. 4. Go Phillies. 5. BOOOOOO! Bad Santa! 6. Piss on Selig for stopping the game. 7. A Chevy Camaro??!! 8. Are you f***ing kidding me? For being the MVP??!! 9. My students have recently taught me to say "go to shit" in Spanish. 10. Dennis, you ARE America.

by Mazie Louise Montgomery October 31st at 9:07PM
10 Comments
October 22nd at 12:28PM

Al Qaeda Supporters for John McCain

POSTED BY: Dennis DiClaudio

You know, Barack Obama may be racking up endorsements from some pretty important players in the U.S. political arena -- including Colin Powell, Warren Buffett, my mom, and the continent of Europe -- but John McCain has been getting some pretty good endorsements, too.

Like, um, that guy... Alan Greenspan! Oh, wait, that's probably not a good one anymore, is it? Well, how about my grandfather? No?

Okay, smart guy/girl! How about this one? Al-fucking-Qaeda...

Al-Qaeda supporters suggested in a Web site message this week they would welcome a pre-election terror attack on the U.S. as a way to usher in a McCain presidency.

The message, posted Monday on the password-protected al-Hesbah Web site, said if al-Qaeda wants to exhaust the United States militarily and economically, "impetuous" Republican presidential candidate Sen. John McCain is the better choice because he is more likely to continue the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.

"This requires presence of an impetuous American leader such as McCain, who pledged to continue the war till the last American soldier," the message said. "Then, al-Qaeda will have to support McCain in the coming elections so that he continues the failing march of his predecessor, Bush."

Wow! Talk about an amazing endorsement! He really needs to stick that last quote in an advertisement: "Al-Qaeda will have to support McCain in coming elections."

"If al-Qaeda carries out a big operation against American interests," the message said, "this act will be support of McCain because it will push the Americans deliberately to vote for McCain so that he takes revenge for them against al-Qaeda. Al-Qaeda then will succeed in exhausting America till its last year in it."

Aw... That's so sweet of them. They must really like the guy. Kinda makes Colin Powell's endorsement look like a dog turd in comparison, doesn't it? I mean, you don't see Powell engaging in covert operations to sink a U.S. Navy battleship or suicide bombing an embassy for Obama, do you? Really shows you whose really got the more fired-up supporters, huh?

You know, I think it just occurred to me why al Qaeda likes John McCain so much. I think it's because he's a maverick. And, really, is there any bigger maverick than al Qaeda's leader Osama bin Laden?

Like, didn't he turn his back on all the wealth and nose candy and whoring of his family legacy to move into a cave and start shooting infidels with an AK-47? Or attempt to topple the Western capitalist structure by convincing impressionable supporters to kill thousands of innocent people by flying airplanes into a couple buildings?

That's some pretty mavericky behavior, if you ask me. Okay, not on the same level as pretending to have sold a government jet on eBay or voting against George Bush 10% of the time, but pretty mavericky none the less.

This is beginning to make a lot more sense. I guess John McCain and Osama bin Laden are just a couple'a maverick peas in a pod, trying their best to keep America firmly planted in the 19th Century.