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December 17th at 4:21PM

Why the Long Face, Joe Lieberman?

POSTED BY: Matthew Tobey

According to a new poll, Independent Connecticut Senator Joe Lieberman is suffering from a 38% approval rating in his home state, the lowest rating Zell Miller 2.0 has ever received.

Forty-two percent of those surveyed said Lieberman's support for Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) during the presidential election made them think less favorably of him; 43 percent of voters said it made no difference. 30 percent of those who supported Lieberman in his 2006 general election said they would now vote for someone other than Lieberman if the election were held again today.

Not to worry though. I'm sure Lieberman has a plan to turn things around with the voters. All he's got to do is show off some of his trademark good judgment.

Maybe he'll back Rod Blagojevich for President or support an invasion of Canada or introduce a bill to ban ice cream.

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December 10th at 11:52AM

New Yorkers Love Dynasties

POSTED BY: Matthew Tobey

Who will fill Hillary Clinton's senate seat? I'm not sure, but whoever it is you'll know their dad.

According to the latest Marist Poll, Caroline Kennedy and New York State Attorney General Andrew Cuomo are tied at 25% among registered New York voters. An equally high number, 26%, are unsure of who the next New York senator should be. Gov. David Paterson will appoint a person to the seat after it’s vacated in January.

So we've got the niece of onetime New York Senator Bobby Kennedy in a deadheat with the son of onetime New York City Mayor Mario Cuomo. Which basically means Fran Drescher only has a shot at this if she can prove herself to be the lovechild of Chuck Schumer and Fiorello LaGuardia's ghost.

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by December 11th at 2:13AM
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December 9th at 5:04PM

Barack Obama Is the Eagles Greatest Hits of Presidents

POSTED BY: Matthew Tobey

Oh my god, you guys. If you love Barack Obama so much, why don't you just marry him?

Nearly eight in ten Americans questioned in a CNN/Opinion Research Corporation survey out Tuesday morning are giving the president-elect the thumbs up when it comes to his handling of the transition. Seventy-nine percent approve of Obama's performance so far during transition, with 18 percent disapproving.

Obama's approval rating is "14 points higher than the approval rating for president-elect Bush in 2001 and 17 points higher than president-elect Clinton's rating in 1992," CNN Polling Director Keating Holland noted.

To put a 79% approval rating into perspective, keep in mind that only 73% approve of pancakes, and even blowjobs fall short at 77%.

On the other hand, blowjobs while eating pancakes continue to boast an unmatched 98% approval rating.