Results for ‘RNC’:

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November 11th at 11:58AM

Sarah Palin is Trapped in the Closet, Returning Her Clothes

POSTED BY: Mary Phillips-Sandy

Poor, poor Sarah Palin. She is back home in Wasilla, where it is 32 degrees in the sun, and she's being forced to relinquish the $150,000 wardrobe she bought with Republican funds during the campaign.

The governor of Alaska will be left shivering in a snowbank and her children will race around in tears, because the RNC has taken away their underwear...

Palin's father, Chuck Heath, said his daughter spent Saturday trying to figure out what belongs to the RNC.

"She was just frantically... trying to sort stuff out," Heath said. "That's the problem, you know, the kids lose underwear, and everything has to be accounted for.

"Nothing goes right back to normal," he said.

"Normal," of course, is the old moose-pelt knickers.

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Do you remember, "Feminists, abortionists, pagans, gays, and lesbians are responsible for 9/11"? I do. I also remember being told I was a terrorist sympathizer because I questioned the war. I remember being told that I was emboldening the terrorists because I questioned the conduct of the war, no-bid contracts, Gitmo, Abu Grab, the response to Katrina, and tax cuts for the wealthiest 10%. As recently as two weeks ago I was being told that I'm not a "real American" with "real American" values. Maybe I'm bitter, Kage. Maybe I have reason to be.

by bearness November 11th at 5:31PM
12 Comments
October 30th at 1:58PM

Weather: The Ultimate Terrorist - Why It Hates Apple Pie, Baseball and Corporate Socialism

POSTED BY: Dennis DiClaudio

On Monday night, I jumped on a train after work and got down to Philadelphia as fast as I could, just so that I could be in my home city when the Phillies delivered to us something that no other Philadelphia team could for the past 25 years.

Of course, Weather -- being the complete asshole that it is -- had to go and fuck it all up for me and cause the first rained out, freezing cold final World Series game in history. So, I came back to New York by myself, and the Phillies won last night. Without me. And the entire city went crazy. Without me.

Now, you might just think this was a stroke of bad luck, But I know otherwise. I know for a fact that this was an act of retribution upon me by Weather. You see, Monday night happened to be the eve of the release of my brand new non-fiction humor book Man vs. Weather: Be Your Own Weatherman, in which I reveal Weather's insidious agenda to destroy, undermine and inconvenience all of mankind. (Yes, it's a humor book and a science book. What of it?)

A coincidence? I think not.

So, why do I bring this up on a political blog? (Well, why besides me being a shameless opportunist?) I'll tell you why: If you think that Weather is only interested in ruining baseball games for incredibly important authors like me, you are sadly mistaken.

Weather hates America!

It hates America more than arch-terrorists like Osama bin Laden, William Ayers and Barack Obama combined. Oh, it hates us so much! Why? I'll tell you why...

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