Results for ‘Rob Kutner’:

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August 27th at 4:47PM

This Week's Sign of the Apocalypse: Hillary Clinton's Speech

POSTED BY: Rob Kutner

Well, we're halfway through one of the two political conventions, and at least one thing's clear: We are only a quarter of the way through convention season. And yet we in the Apocalypse Party have already managed to find encouraging signs that the end is nigh in all the major speeches. For instance, why was Michelle Obama trying so hard to "humanize" herself -- is she actually a Cylon? (Though if she is, she's a Democrat so we can assume she does not have a plan.) Did anyone else notice Dennis Kucinich finishing off his barnburner of a speech with a gesture that might have been a landing signal to the UFOs? And as far as Hillary's big speech last night? Let's just say her pantsuit was at "Alert Level: Elevated."

SIGN: Hillary Clinton sends powerful message of unity to Democratic Party.

WHY THAT'S A SIGN: Hillary's message so powerful, it actually unifies the entire party into one giant creature, known as "Demogorgon."

WHAT TO EXPECT: Demogorgon's insatiable lust for arugula and Chardonnay decimates nations, while his need to prove his patriotism with a flag lapel pin wipes out world copper reserves. Lack of new pennies destroys global economy.

WHY THAT'S GREAT NEWS: Demogorgon a shoe-in for White House, thanks to his possessing billions of years of experience.

Take the APOCALYPSE '08 PRESIDENTIAL CHALLENGE now!

Each week, Daily Show writer Rob Kutner, author of the book Apocalypse How (on sale now!), reminds us that the world is about to end...and why we should be psyched.

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Apocalyptic MP3 highlights are here: http://www.entertonement.com/collections/2551/Hillary-Clinton-2008-DNC-Speech

by Chief Editor August 27th at 5:44PM
1 Comment
August 20th at 11:24AM

This Week's Sign of the Apocalypse: Voting Machines Decommissioned

POSTED BY: Rob Kutner

We're less than one week away from the political party conventions: that magical time when choirs are preached to, foregone conclusions forewent, and thousands of patriotic balloons showered onto the sweaty. But with any luck, a much less horrific scenario (like a mushroom cloud or supervillain's freeze ray) will decide the future leadership of the world first. So whether you're planning to take refuge in a city a mile above the ground, or inside a mall the size of a military base, here’s a critical plank to look forward to in the Apocalypse Party's platform:

SIGN: Thousands of electronic voting machines decommissioned and trashed.

WHY THAT'S A SIGN: Now liberated from their county masters, these always-suspiciously-intelligent beings turn for instructions to their Creator, Karl Rove.

WHAT TO EXPECT: You were concerned about arch-conservative Supreme Court Justice appointments before? Imagine one who can never die.

WHY THAT'S GREAT NEWS: Court 2.0 will reverse Roe v. Wade just in time to stop Sarah Connor from going through with the abortion.

Take the APOCALYPSE '08 PRESIDENTIAL CHALLENGE now!

Each week, Daily Show writer Rob Kutner, author of the book Apocalypse How (on sale now!), reminds us that the world is about to end...and why we should be psyched.

[Bloglines] [del.icio.us] [Digg] [Facebook] [Fark]