Results for ‘Veepstakes’:

20 TOTAL POSTS

September 5th at 11:10AM

Sarah Palin! The Musical

POSTED BY: Dennis DiClaudio

Ben Greenman shines a harsh musical light on the scenes behind the sudden, miraculous nomination of Alaska Governor Sarah Palin...

(JOHN McCAIN is meeting with CHARLIE BLACK and RICK DAVIS to decide whom to pick for vice president.)

JOHN McCAIN
I think I want
Joe Lieberman.

CHARLIE BLACK
With him, there's no way
You can win.

JOHN McCAIN
Well, what about Tom Ridge instead?

CHARLIE BLACK
Do that and your campaign is dead.

RICK DAVIS
We need a conservative who can serve.

JOHN McCAIN
You jerks are getting on my last nerve.

(The phone rings in the Palin home... JOHN McCAIN offers her a spot on the Republican ticket.)

JOHN McCAIN
Is there anything
I need to know
About your family?

SARAH PALIN
No. Although,
Now that you mention it,
Once, back in the '80s,
Todd was driving tipsy
And dinged up a Mercedes.

JOHN McCAIN
You sure
That's all?

SARAH PALIN
That's all
I recall.

JOHN McCAIN
That's really
Quite small.
Excellent. You've got the job.
Rick and Charlie can polish my knob.

Read the whole thing on McSweeney's...

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LAST COMMENT:

Who are you, Joe Biden? Plagiarism. I'm voting for McCain because of you.

by PalinRocks September 6th at 10:36PM
2 Comments
August 29th at 6:06PM

Sarah Palin is Music to Somebody's Ears... She Must Be

POSTED BY: Dennis DiClaudio

If you're like me, you love news about Republican politicians but hate reading long and boring news stories about them with your eyeballs.

Ugh! All those letters and symbols, and almost none of them resemble dirty body parts. I just get frustrated after about thirty seconds.

That's why, whenever I can, I like to read the news with my ears. Luckily Michael Hearst -- of the geekishly amazing band One Ring Zero --  recently started a website called Songs for Newsworthy News. All the songs are made with sounds, so you don't have to tired out your eyes, and they're all short enough for me to not get bored (until usually around the last few seconds).

Unfortunately, I didn't find his songbriefing on Sarah Palin's VP nomination until it was too late. Don't make the same mistake as me.

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LAST COMMENT:

He's a snow mobiling champion, hes won an ass load of races up here in Alaska, so hes been asked for autographs before, what i wanna know is y her like 9 year old daughter was signing autographs

by Karl September 2nd at 11:24AM
15 Comments
August 29th at 12:50PM

Superhot Alaska Governor Sarah Palin to Be John McCain's VP

POSTED BY: Dennis DiClaudio

1:03 - On second thought, that "eighteen million cracks" line wasn't just intended for angry women Democrats as I kind of sexistishly wrote. I think they're going for all women.

This could -- if the McCain/Palin team plays this right -- change everything. We'll see.

12:50 - She didn't talk at all about her policies. At all! That was completely about her being a "reformer" and a "woman" and "an all American mom." I wonder how long they're gonna try to hold back on her conservativism.

And how long before the Obama campaign begins carpet bombing the press with its spin.

12:46 - Is that closing music from "Halloween" or "The Exorcist"?

12:44 - She's invoked the name Hillary Clinton! And her "eighteen million cracks" line! They're totally going after all the angry women Democrats. But it seems really, really calculated. Is John McCain really getting that scared?

12:40 - A veteran and a veteran's mom. Burn that idea into your brain, because you're gonna hear it a lot.

12:39 - They're really playing this one as a choice for independents. That's gonna be McCain's message hardcore from now on. Despite their records, they're not gonna run as Republicans.

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